


Where our story begins

by Shadowsof_thenight



Category: Alternate Universe - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Victorian era AU - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Violence, Rude behaviour, threatening behaviour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2021-04-16
Packaged: 2021-04-18 20:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsof_thenight/pseuds/Shadowsof_thenight
Summary: Home is where our story begins, but how does one know where home is?Julia has a good life. A calm life. She really doesn’t have much to complain about. That is, until a handsome stranger steps into their home in the country and all that calmness seems to disappear instantly. Who is this man that seems to terrorise everyone with his haugthy ways?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been going through my head for a long time, though it never did quite fit. As soon as I imagined it with Bucky all the puzzle pieces fell into place.  
I really hope you like it as much as I enjoy writing it!
> 
> It is derived of one of my entries for Fictober (Home). However that was pretty rushed and some elements simply didn’t fit. So feel free to read that entry but please don’t assume it’ll give you the same information as this chapter will do. Especially since I removed any allusion to the supernatural, that will not be a part of this story.

A storm was brewing in the rapidly darkening sky and Julia sighed deeply, content as she breathed in the cooling air that came in through the open window. Wind was picking up and she relished in the feeling of air blowing through her hair, her thin robe and the camisole underneath. It wasn’t until the first droplet fell on the windowsill before her, that she decided, albeit somewhat reluctant, to close the windows of her second story bedroom. It was time to get ready for dinner anyway. 

As soon as she placed the latch firmly on the window, she regretted closing it, missing the cool air. Even if she knew it needed to be done to save the soft carpet on the floor and the heavy curtains that hung by her window. Rain would certainly ruin both of them. 

The weather had been unseasonably warm and dry this September and she had known that it would be a matter of time before that changed. This was England after all, and clear skies were a rarity. That said, the rapid procession of the current change had taken her by surprise. Earlier that day there had not been a single sign that the heat would be broken soon.  
The sky had been a beautiful baby blue with some puffy white clouds adorning it. There had been no wind to speak off. Now, as she watched the wind grab hold of the massive trees that lined the garden behind her house, she wondered briefly just how much they would be able to withstand.  
The branches seemed to bent much further than she had seen them do before, creaking as they went. 

With another sigh Julia turned her back to the window, ready to ignore the weather as she got herself ready. That was when a sudden boom of thunder shook the humid air around her, causing her to jump. She shook her head with a small chuckle, laughing at her own behaviour and moved away from the window completely. She should’ve expected thunder to join the party sooner or  
later. Especially now that rain was pelting against the window. 

Rolling her shoulders, Julia tried to ease the tension in her body as she sat down in front of the large mirror that sat atop her mahogany dressing table. She really didn’t have much reason to be nervous, so why was she? Certainly this was not the first time the a nobleman would join her small family at the dinner table. It probably wouldn’t be the last either. 

She smiled a little when she noticed that her unruly curls had broken out of the stern up-do that they had been forced into early this morning. It came as no surprise, she had been running all over their property today, rushing and helping wherever she could to get as many chores done before their guest would arrive in the evening. 

Who this guest was, she didn’t know, or what he’d be like. She wasn’t even told that it was a man, though it most likely was. For one the guest travelled alone and women rarely did that. Not to mention that she had been expected to attend several dinners with possible suitors for the past three months, even since her last birthday. Her parents had clearly decided that it was time she married, even if they had not said a word to support her theories.

She wondered what this man would look like, as she tried to think what she could do with her hair in the little time she had. Where would he be from and what would he be like? She just hoped he was nice. That was currently her only requirement. It would make for a more enjoyable dinner. As for a suitor, she didn’t have high hopes. None of the previous options were particularly alluring. 

Julia pulled the loose strands of hair and considered doing a quick fix rather then a complete do-over. It seemed like an impossible task and she called her maid for her. Together they might just be able to make it work. Having made that decision, she began pulling at all the pins and ribbons that were holding her coiffure together. Once her long tresses fell freely down her back, she heard the door behind her open and close. She smiled brightly at the young woman that walked up behind her. The gesture readily returned. 

As Mary ran her fingers through Julia’s hair, Julia wished that she could just leave it be. No ribbons, no pins, just nothing. Not only would the lack of an up-do save her quite a bit of time, but the loose curls created much less strain on her head. And the feeling of her hair flowing behind her as she rode her horse was pretty wonderful too. When she was younger, she had even wondered if cutting her hair would be helpful in minimising the strain it caused on her scalp, though her mother had quickly put a stopper in those thoughts. Apparently a lady would never cut her hair and so Julia had accepted the accompanying headaches. 

Mary took a brush and gently pulled at the tangled mess that somehow seemed to appear in her hair in the blink of an eye. Knowing how little time remained to them, Julia grabbed for the brush and roughly pulled at her hair, tugging at her scalp harshly. There was no time for gentleness.  
Soon there would be a knock on the front door and their visitor would announce himself. 

Julia had never met him, but her parents had and they had informed her of his punctuality. If he valued this, it would be bad manners to arrive late. Her parents had not told her anything about him, though her father had appeared slightly nervous of the prospect of his visit. Her father never got nervous and it had intrigued her. It also made her slightly apprehensive, as she did not know what her father’s reaction meant. Still as the only daughter to her parents, she knew they only wanted the best for her. 

Julia’s family come from a long line of nobles and women had very little rights in these circles. She knew her parents wanted to make sure that she would be taken care of. That her dowry would not fall into the wrong hands. They preferred it if that remained in her possession always and it took some searching for a man to agree to that. 

When all the snarls had effectively been untangled, Mary made quick work of Julia’s hair and the women gossiped happily of what would be awaiting the youngest of the two tonight. Mary was a hopeless romantic, with an optimism which often rivalled that of a child. It was endearing. The woman was by no means naive, she just had a steadfast belief that things always worked itself out in the end. Julia often found herself leaning on those beliefs, using them to her her through trying times. Meanwhile Mary would often consider Julia’s more careful thoughts, before making any decisions. 

With her hair done - pulled into another, though much less stern up-do, Julia pinched her cheeks to create some colours. When she was satisfied that her complexion resembled that of a healthy young woman, she stood and walked towards the bed. There, Mary was already waiting to help her into the dress that had been laid out on the sheets. Mary had loosened the strings on the corset as wide as they would go and carefully placed it around Julia’s waist. Mary tugged at the lacing, making sure it was tight so the dress would fit neatly. 

Julia stared at the dress that she was about to wear and smiled. It was beautiful and brand new. Her mother had ordered it quite recently, citing an important upcoming event and Julia had assumed a ball. Perhaps she had hoped for a ball, since those were few and far between since they had moved back to their dwelling in the countryside. During her time at court there had been so many and she rather missed the excitement. It was not until this morning that her mother had informed her that the dress should be worn tonight at dinner, for their expected guest. Julia had done her very best to bite down the bitter sting of disappointment. 

Julia had always been close to her mother, Lady Josephine Fitzgerald of Hertfortshire, and though there was little they did not share, she knew better than to voice her opinion about tonight. Her mother would not tolerate it, for she would think it was spoiled behaviour. She wasn’t entirely wrong of course, Julia knew she had gotten her hopes up far too high. She did wonder though, why her other had not informed her of this important guest prior to today. If she had known, there would have been more planning this week and much less rushing today.  
She dared not ask and Josephine would never show anyone if there had been a lack of information on her end. She was raised at court and knew just what was expected of a woman of her stature. Showing lack of preparation and thereby airing her husbands inability to keep her informed was not part of that. 

With one last tug, her corset was properly tightened and Mary quickly grabbed hold of the dress and held it open as wide as possible so Julia could step into it carefully. It was simply a work of art and Julia was almost anxious to wear it. The deep blue material went well with her light skin tone, the colourful flower design livening it up. It had short, puffed up sleeves the were adorned with a few layers of white lace that covered most of her upper arm. A small strip of that same lace covered the wide boat neckline of the dress, alluding to a slightly risqué bosom, which finished the image. 

For her comfort the dressmaker had decided on many layers in the skirt of the dress, creating the fashionable wide skirt without the need for hoops. While the fabric made the dress significantly warmer, it was far easier to move around in than it would’ve been with hoops. And with the recent heat there wouldn’t be too many fireplaces roaring. 

Mary quickly moved to close the lace of the bodice and when the dress was firmly in place, Julia twirled through the room. She smiled as the skirt swirled around her and she felt absolutely beautiful. Mary clapped happily, praising Julia’s appearance. With a bright smile she thanked her maid, and best friend, for the help. She took one more glance at her reflection in the floor length mirror that stood by her bed. The colours of the dress were bold, far bolder than she was used too, but the cut was conservative and almost gentle in the way that it accentuated her figure. 

Just then thunder struck again, resounding loudly right outside the window. Lightning followed closely and Mary began to wring her hands nervously. She never did like weather such as this and she looked out the window with wide eyes. Julia placed a comforting hand on her arm and squeezed gently. Mary tried to put on a brave face, though she failed miserably, before excusing herself from the room. Julia knew just where she would go, to the kitchen where her mother, Maudlin would be working. Maudlin always managed to sooth her fears quickly. 

Julia moved closer to the window and saw that the storm was now in full swing, wing whipping through the trees and causing the warmth of the day to rapidly leave the house.  
A loud rattling sound drew her eyes away from the windswept trees and towards the nearby road, where she could see a black coach racing by. Due to the rain it was impossible to make out a crest on the door of the chaise, if there even was one. Julia wondered if this was the carriage of her guest, it certainly didn’t look like one from any family in the area. 

It was in that moment, when she thought of their visitor, that the carriage slowed down considerably and turned onto the small lane that led to her house. Suddenly Julia remembered her mothers sense of urgency and punctuality and she became very self-aware. Quickly looking over her dress, she assured herself that there were no imperfections to be found, before she took a deep steadying breath and moved towards the door. It was time to quickly make her way downstairs. 

Thunder struck once more as she placed her hand on the doorknob and she lingered a moment longer, wondering if that was as ominous a sign as it felt. Finally she straightened herself up and twisted the knob, opening the door, stepping through it and out onto the landing.  
The thick Bordeaux carpet hid the sound of her steps as she hurried along the hallway towards the grand staircase that was situated in the middle of this second story landing. If she moved quick she’d be down before their guest would have time to announce himself. She really didn't want to disappoint her mother. 

Julia was ready to speed down the stairs, when she glanced down and straight into the piercing blue eyes of a handsome stranger. He had been mid turn, after handing his top-hat and coat to their butler, Jones. She halted her movements and chose to descent the stairs in a more graceful manner than she had originally intended. Rushing wasn’t ladylike her mother had often told her and her education had informed her of the importance of a good first impression. So, she moved down the steps in slow, calm strides, urging herself to appear as serene as her moments were. It wasn’t easy, with the stranger at the bottom of the staircase making her both curious and nervous with his intense gaze. 

His azure blue eyes looked cold as they remained on her form and she quickly averted her eyes, uncomfortable with the way they seemed to check for even the slightest flaw. It didn’t help that his lips were pulled down in a deep frown, moving into a sly smirk as she got closer. 

Julia took a moment to take in his appearance. If he was staring, so could she, right? His long hair was neatly tied back in the nape of his neck and with the light of the close-by lantern it appeared to be chestnut coloured. He had a short straight nose and a strong, clean shaving jaw. The man stood tall, his broad shoulders straining the sutures of his suit and his head held high as only a highborn lord would. The black suit he wore seemed expensive, specifically tailored for him. And he had a crisp white shirt underneath. The sleeves of the shirt were embellished with lace that waved out over his hands and drew her attention to his long elegant fingers. Fingers that were currently tapping against his leg in an impatient manner, while he watched her come down. 

Julia had half a mind to run back upstairs, unable to shake the uncomfortable feeling he gave her. She’d been stared at before, leered at even, but not like this. She had also kept people waiting in the past. Punctuality was something she had only recently managed to implement in her routine. Though she obviously still failed at times.  
Finally she brushed it off, attributing to the unease of the storm that was raging outside and her lack of knowledge about the man before her. 

When she was only a few small steps removed from the man, she noticed a small dimple on his chin and was struck by a memory of an old proverb that her grandmother had often spoken off: a dimple in the chin, the devil within.  
She nearly laughed at the absurdity of her own thoughts and only barely managed to keep it in, causing her cheeks to heat up and she wished she could wave some cool air on her face. Instead she tried to ignore the spreading warmth, hoping he would see it as a simple blush, and took the last few steps off the stairs. Finally she landed at the bottom and right in front of the him. 

He offered something that he must have taken for a smile and though she saw it as more of a grimace with his lips pulled into a thin line, she returned the gesture and plastered a bright smile on her face. His long nimble fingers took her hand in his and he placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Her mother quickly stepped forward, brightly smiling as she introduced the man as Lord James Buchanan Barnes. 

“My lord,” Julia spoke softly as she curtsied, her hand still firmly in his grasp and fighting the urge to pull it back while he haughtily stared down at her. He wasn’t that much taller than her, though he managed to make every centimetre feel like ten. A chill went through her body as she met that stare. He really did make her incredibly nervous.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her initial introduction does not go smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was my first day back at work. And though it was simply to say hi to everyone, it was very tiring. I slept through most of the afternoon. Which means that despite the chapter being nearly done, I still barely made it today.
> 
> Forgive me for any mistakes as I work without a beta for this one. Feel free to point them out though, feedback of any kind is always appreciated.

“Please, call me James,” his deep baritone voice sent vibrations through her chest and she stood stock still for a moment. It was a rather strange sensation and Julia didn’t know what to think of it. It wasn’t good or bad, just peculiar. 

The man smirked at her once more and she was shook back into the moment. His grin unnerved her. Not necessarily the act itself, rather the blank eyes above it. Where his smirk alluded to emotions, good or bad, his eyes appeared void of them. They were a beautiful icy blue that could mesmerise if they had not been empty. It made her wonder if there was perhaps something dangerous about this stranger that her parents had invited into their home. 

She gave a pointed look to their still connected hands, before returning her gaze to those blue eyes. His smirk didn’t waver as he finally released her, standing up straight again and, without missing a beat, turning back to the lady of the house. 

If her mother had noticed anything, she wasn’t showing it and it reminded Julia that she should try to be more stoic in her interactions. While her parents allowed her to show her emotions in private, they were not to be seen so clearly in public. Apparently it wasn’t ladylike and Josephine was very proper. Julia wanted to be the same, for her mother. Though she often wore her heart on her sleeve. She found it difficult to keep her emotions hidden from others. They were simpleton strong sometimes. 

At court things had been different. She had been younger then, not particularly involved in court life. Her tutors had instructed her to keep her face blank, but it hadn’t really stuck with her and her parents didn’t mind so much at that age. Instead she had been able to play with her friends, free of the straitjacket that life seemed to be for most ladies. She was grateful for it, even if that made if harder for her now to adhere to society’s demands. 

Josephine took the arm that Lord Barnes, no James, offered and Julia followed a few steps behind. As they moved through the hallway, towards the dinning hall, Josephine pointed to art that hung on the walls. She explained how they had come by the pieces, babbling to fill the silence Julia realised. Perhaps she had noticed the tension earlier. James barely responded to her words and simply looked in the directions she pointed with a blank stare, offering the occasional nod. 

When they arrived at the dining room, Julia hoped that this man could feign some enthusiasm for the interior of the place. Her mother was very proud of it. When they had first moved in, it had been in disarray and Josephine worked hard to create the vision that was in her mind. Julia truly thought it was a beautiful room, though she wondered if the seemingly cold and unfeeling man held the same ideas of beauty. 

The high ceilings of the room were made of elaborately decorated plaster. There were bands of entwined leaves that framed the ceiling, and within those bands the family crest was hidden between beautifully crafted flowers. The leaves of those bands returned in the soft green wallpaper that adorned the walls, a way to bring it together without creating too sharp a contrast with the white plaster. The dark hardwood floor finished making this into a warm room, where Josephine loved spending time. She would arrange and rearrange the flowers that stood on the tables, every other day, finding joy in choosing fresh flowers and placing them smartly. It brought life to the room, her mother had once stated. The young Julia hadn’t understood it then, but she certainly did now. 

The same leave pattern the was in the ceiling and wallpaper, was repeated in the lamp design. Lamps that were placed strategically around the room to highlight the best parts of the decoration and dousing the lesser bits in darkness. In daylight, for instance, you could see some water damage in the far right corner, above the large doors that opened into the garden. Damage that was caused by the never ending rains that had fallen last winter. In this moment, however, none of that was visible. 

“I like to think of this as a warm room, cozy and a perfect place for dinner with friends,” her mother boasted as she finished explaining her choices and pointing out little details in the ceiling. Julia smiled as she watched her mother speak so effortlessly. It was a pity they did not entertain guests more often, for her mother certainly loved it. In that moment Julia could see how much she missed life at court, even if she never spoke of it. 

Julia also noted that her mother carefully avoided the subject of those lamps, which were oil lamps still. The household was yet to move on to kerosene. This wasn’t necessarily wrong or strange even, plenty of households had not made the change. However, for as long as Julia could remember, her mother mother had followed modernisation and it had taken her by surprise that she did not do so on this occasion. When she had asked her mother about it, she was told that such a change took time and several adjustments that her parents simply deemed unnecessary at this point in time. Julia had accepted this explanation and her questions had ceased. 

James barely responded to her mothers words, perhaps he wasn’t seeing the grandeur that Josephine had envisioned when she began to renovate this place. To the untrained eye, her mother seemingly brushed off his silence, but Julia could tell it was bothering her. Obviously she had hoped for something more. Julia felt that it was rather rude of the man to remain quiet. The least he could have done was say something noncommittal, polite. Such an act was even expected in their circles. He would know that, he simply decided against acting accordingly. 

His refusal to adhere to social conformity was an insult to his host and it angered Julia. Her mother had been nothing but welcoming, she deserved better. She would’ve been able to look past his behaviour if it appeared to have been unintentional. As it seemed, the slight was definitely on purpose. Her mother quickly moved past it, playing the gracious host and keeping on a mask of kindness. 

“James has travelled all over the world,” Josephine said, turning her eyes on her daughter as she moved towards her chair. Dinner was currently being placed on the table and Julia saw her mother had gone all out. It was a grand feast, her mother clearly wanted to impress their guest. 

“Now that he is finally back in the country, we simply had to invite him,” Josephine added after a few moments, as it became clear that she was the only one that tried to keep a conversation going. 

“Indeed,” Julia agreed, placing a bright smile on her face. She hoped that the tinge of red that found its way on her cheeks went unnoticed. She had been so wrapped up in the stranger in their home that she had forgotten how to behave in the presence of others. She took a deep breath and reminded herself that she needed to support her mother and perhaps ignore this rude lord. After all, she was no better if she could not keep up appearances. 

So Julia decided in that moment to work extra hard on her etiquette. Simply so there would be no blame on her if this situation went south. She would be the perfect host, no matter how trying it would be. If the expression on his face was any indication, he was not about to make things easy on her. He kinked his eyebrow as if challenging her in a battle of wills when he pulled out her chair for her. 

“And how do you find this part of our beautiful country?” Julia asked, offering a smile and lingering above her chair. Effectively making him stand there, waiting. 

“From what I have been able to see it is beautiful, sanguineous,” he replied, that aggravating smirk back on his face as he emphasised that last word. 

His voice was melodious, waving through the air and clinging to her skin. She had never met anyone with such an intriguing sound. Julia realised that he probably enamoured quite a few people with it. She would probably love to listen more, if he had been kinder. Or more outspoken for that matter, he had been rather quiet. 

James smiled as he watched her mull over his reply. It was a double edged sword, premeditated. Julia realised that he was probably aware of the unease he was causing and delighted in it. She knew she had never been as good at hiding her emotions as she should have been. Analysing his smile, she realised that it had been as empty as his smirk before. It did not reach his eyes. 

“I do hope you’ll get to see some of it in the sun, rather than this dreary weather we have now,” Josephine spoke softly, nearly inaudible over the sound of thunder. Lightening joined the party, illuminating the room in a bright flash. James just nodded with a shrug. A man of few words. 

With all three of them seated in their chairs, Julia looked back to the hallway behind her, wondering where her father was. He was never late for dinner and definitely not when one of his guests joined them. In polite society it was expected to wait on the host before being seated, but since her mother had taken on that role, they were not left waiting for him to arrive. Or they were, but at least they were able to sit. 

Her mother pointed out some more features, brining his attention to the beautiful painting that hung on the left wall. It was called the ninth wave by Ivan Aivazovsky. A piece that showed both the destructive side, as the beauty of the ocean. Her father had been a marine when he was younger and when Julia was born, her uncle had gifted them the painting. Julia loved it, often linking the two different sides to her own character. A comparison her father had often enjoyed making himself. 

James barely replied to her mothers words and Julia began to feel resentment. She vowed to herself that she would be polite, though she would never be friendly. He did not deserve her friendship, that much was obvious. She saw her mother deflate just the tiniest bit and anger grew in the pit of her stomach. Lord Barnes didn’t seem to notice, which she understood. The difference was nearly invisible. However, when someone grew up with a mother that showed little emotion in public, they often created the habit of seeing even the most minute changes. Julia was no different in that regard. 

Some short moments later her father, Lord George Fitzgerald of Hertfordshire, finally joined them in the dining room. He looked a little pale and it took some self-control not to jump up from her chair. He seemed a little under the weather and she worried. His hands were shaking as he took one of Lord Barnes’s hands in his own to shake. Apologising profusely for his tardiness, he explained that he had been caught up in work and swiftly forgot the time. Julia knew this wasn’t true, though she refrained from commenting on it.  
George was jovial in his greeting and welcomed their guest as an old friend, shaking his hands for an extended period before finally letting go and walking to his own chair. Lord Barnes simply called him by his first name, uttering a small thank you and bowed his head ever so slightly. A weak greeting by all accounts and Julia wondered just how well they really knew one another. 

Julia realised that, as much as her parents thought of this man, he thought much less of them. Which surprised her, confused her and made her wonder how this could possibly be. In her humble opinion, her parents were fine people and he would be so lucky to have them as his friends and not simply acquaintances. 

“Now, let us eat. James must be weary of his journey and it is getting late,” George said, a bright smile on his face as he looked at their butler, Jones. Jones then signalled the footmen to start serving.

As they ate, her parents opted for light conversation, to which Julia tried to reply as best she could. This wasn’t easy with Lord Barnes staring at her between bites. He stared so openly, that she could only imagine that he was purposely making her uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat and wondered how to deflect his attention. She even glanced at her mother for help, though the silent communication didn’t work for her. Her mother either missing her meaning or ignoring her entirely. Julia feared it was the latter and realised that they perhaps wanted him to look, to be enamoured by her. That her parents may have brought him here as a bachelor for her. 

She had known this was a possibility, though it still caught her by surprise now. Perhaps due to the unease she felt around him. Previous bachelors had at least tried to charm both her and her mother, knowing that her parents had to sign off on any connection. This man had been rude and uninterested thus far. It was why, until that moment, she had simply assumed he had come to attend business with her father. 

Julia bit her cheek to keep from showing her wish to scream at him to stop looking at her and forced another smile on her face. She let him watch, smiled and played the dutiful daughter, wanting to make her parents happy. Though she also decided that she would speak to them at a later time, needing an explanation for this turn of events. What was it about this man that made them think he was fit to be her husband? They had been very hard to please so far and those men that had come before him had worked for their approval. 

***

Later that night, while Julia was getting ready for bed and ranting to her friend, Mary, her mother had walked into the room. Her ranting instantly stopped and Mary composed herself, wiping all remnants of her laughter from her face. She hadn’t taken Julia’s complaints serious. In her opinion most men were like Lord Barnes, she had said, and Julia had just been spoiled by her fathers much kinder disposition. Julia wondered if perhaps she was right. Then again, he was not the first bachelor to be placed at the dinner table. She had some experience. 

Josephine was calm as she took the brush from Julia’s hand and began to weave it through her soft locks. Her mother was gentle, careful not to pull and Julia regarded her through the mirror. She noticed the serious look on her mother’s face and she turned towards her. It was the rare occasion that her mother came into her room, especially after she had retired for the evening. She had wanted Julia to have a space that was all her own. Claiming that this wasn’t a luxury everyone had and that her daughter should enjoy it. A place where she could truly be herself and forget all proper etiquette. 

Julia was ready to ask her mother more about Lord Barnes, opening her mouth and deciding on the first question, when her mother silenced her without a word. Josephine spoke instead, complimenting her daughter on her charming disposition at dinner. She voiced that perhaps Julia had been charming enough to ensnare Lord Barnes, or James as she kept calling him. After his behaviour that evening, Julia struggled to call him by his first name. 

Josephine informed her daughter that she believed that he was a good catch. For the second time Julia was surprised and rendered speechless. Not even a month ago, her mother had told her that she was allowed her own choices. Josephine had said that neither she nor her father would try to sway her. What had changed? Why was she suddenly voicing her preference for a man that had been less than amiable during the few hours that they had spend in the same room? 

In her confusion, Julia remained silent, prompting her mother to tell her all about his properties, his yearly income and his heroism. Apparently he had been awarded a good portion of his lands by the Queen herself. This wasn’t something the Queen did often, so it did impress Julia somewhat. Perhaps it impressed her a lot and she wondered what he had done to deserve it. Her mother seemed more impressed by the knowledge that with this awarded land, together with the land he had already owned previous to that, Lord Barnes was the richest man her parents had ever met. 

Josephine took another moment to explain just what he was worth, urging her daughter to understand. And to act accordingly. Julia still didn’t say a word as she listened to her mother, processing the meaning behind those words. She wondered if she had understood correctly, had her choice been taken from her?  
Leaving a stunned Julia behind, Josephine walked out of the room as abruptly as she had entered. Julia wasn’t sure what to make of this situation. There was so much information that was kept from her, she realised now, and she was curious. Far too used to being told, and Julia immediately began to think of ways to find out just what was hidden from her.

She wanted to know what the connection between her parents her and this man was. Who he really was and what she was supposed to think of him. She wondered if his behaviour tonight had been a correct representation of who he was. Or if something had been on his mind to cause his apparent impertinence. Julia could only hope, for she did not want to disappoint her parents and they clearly saw an agreeable match between them. 

Julia was so caught up in her thoughts that she hardly noticed when Mary left her room. All she saw was the moment she replayed inside her mind over and over again. The moment that had solidified her belief that this man was crass and nothing her parents said could erase that from her mind. 

It had been just as dinner ended, Julia and her mother had stood from the table to retire to the drawing room, giving the men room to converse. Julia had been relieved to leave the room, for the stares of their guest were unnerving. His smirk never left his features as he regarded her, his eyes remained cold. He had stood to open the door for them and took her hand in his once again. Julia couldn’t help herself and shivered at his touch. An action he seemed to take in with glee, causing her stomach to drop and nausea to ensue. 

Lord Barnes had bend his head to kiss her hand, before repeating the gesture with her mother. Josephine had been much less inclined to pull back, a smile fixed on her face. Lord Barnes was gracious as he thanked her for inviting him into her home, finally giving her a compliment by stating that the home painted a beautiful picture against the decor of their surroundings. With an elated Josephine, Julia finally moved towards the drawing room where they would spend the remainder of the evening doing embroidery and reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a restless night, Julia wakes to give James grief for his treatment of her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going back to work has proved to be a bigger challenge than I could’ve ever imagined. Combined with the less than perfect news from the doctors, I have been struggling to find the time and energy to write for long stretches of time. However, when I do write, I am usually happy with it so there’s that.
> 
> Anyway, I made a mistake in the previous chapter, turning Mary into Maria. Not sure how it happened, but it did and I will fix it. To avoid any confusion, Mary the chambermaid is not part of the MCU, which was why she wasn’t called Maria in the first place haha.  
Forgive me for any mistakes you might find in this one, feel free to inform me of them so I can fix it. I work without a beta for this story and English isn’t my first language.
> 
> And as always, feedback is appreciated!

Julia was apprehensive as she slowly walked downstairs for breakfast the following morning. She had almost asked to have her meal in her room, but a pointed look from Mary had been enough to refrain from that plan. She was a big girl, she shouldn’t avoid situations like that. In regular fashion this meal would be another group event, much like dinner had been and she wasn’t particularly looking forward to it. She wondered if she would be able to face their guest and his lingering gaze. Still, her mother would appreciate her presence, which was why she had finally left her room. She could only hope that the buffet set up off the morning’s meal would aide her in avoiding that gaze that had made her feel uncomfortable. 

She was the first to enter the dining room, where their youngest footman Charlie greeted her happily. Julia smiled back despite her soured mood. The young man had that effect on people. Charlie was always happy, smiling brightly and he treated everyone around him with such kindness that it often inspired good behaviour. Julia was yet to meet anyone that did not like him. It had been four years since he began working for her family and she knew that her mother had not regretted hiring him for a single moment. Of course, he had come highly recommended by Jones and Jones had proven the value of his judgement many times over during his tenure with them. Which was why Josephine often asked him for his opinion, not just with employees. An act that was not really done in their circles, but it had ensured the unending loyalty of the man that ran their household staff. 

Julia took a plate and filled it with fruits and dried meats, before taking a seat at the table, choosing the same chair as the previous night. It was her seat every meal, unless they had a house full of guests. Charlie poured her some tea and she sipped it, relishing in the silence. The calm before the storm, she thought and repressed a chuckle. As she popped a grape into her mouth, footsteps could be heard from behind her, alerting her to the arrival of another person. She fought the urge to turn her head towards the sound, her curiosity nearly getting the better of her. Charlie’s cheerful greeting however, informed her that it was her mother that walked down the hallway. 

Josephine’s hand brushed Julia’s back in greeting as she walked by to fill her own plate. As soon as she came into view of her daughter, she flashed her a bright smile. A genuine one, Julia realised. Not a word was spoken as Josephine moved around the room, finally sitting down in her chair at the head of the table. The atmosphere in the room was light and easy, which Julia enjoyed. She was never one for conversation this early in the day. 

“Good morning, Lord Barnes,” Charlie spoke with a more formal tone, informing the women in the room of the presence of their approaching guest. Julia had heard his soft steps, foolishly hoping that they had been her father’s, even though his steps had never been quite that light. 

Julia notably stiffened as he came closer, bracing herself for the fake well wished she would be expected to utter in a moment. Her annoyance quickly heightened when the man only grunted in reply to their footman. Was he unable to show kindness, Julia wondered. 

The tall, brooding man avoided the richly decorated buffet and sat down across from Julia. Charlie was quick to offer some tea and Lord Barnes immediately began drinking it. He looked tired - no exhausted - and out of his element. And though it was wrong, his current demeanour filled her with glee, her own aversion to the early hours soon forgotten as she kept a watchful eye on him. 

“I hope the room was to your liking, James,” Josephine wondered, her voice hopeful and a bright smile covering her face. 

He looked up, silent as he clearly pondered the proper reply. Julia feared for a long quiet moment, that he might insult her mother outright. Or, perhaps she hoped for it, since it would fuel her fire and definitely stop her parents from wishing for an amiable match between her and this man. However, she was surprised when he breathed in deeply, releasing slowly and forced an actual smile upon his lips. That was new. 

“It is a beautiful accommodation, my Lady, unfortunately I often have trouble sleeping after a long journey,” 

His answer was surprisingly honest, refreshingly void of incivility and Julia was shocked by it. When she had gone down that morning, she had been ready for a fight - to defend her mother. And there he was, putting a stop to her righteous anger. If she lashed out now, she would do her mother a great disservice, which was the very last thing she would ever want to do. He stole her thunder, without even knowing it and it caused quite some indignation on her part. 

Earlier that morning Mary had pressed her to give hm the benefit of the doubt. She had suggested that he perhaps had been tired from his travels and that a nights rest might transform him into better company. Julia now realised that she would have to agree that this might have been the case, as horrible as that was, and she resigned herself to the knowing look she would receive from her friend later on. As she nibbled on the rest of her food, she repressed a sigh that was threatening to pass her lips, readying herself to be the pleasant host to support her mothers efforts. 

As per usual, Josephine tried her best to spark some conversation. She commented on the food, the weather and the dinner party that they would be hosting the following week. She also began to tell Lord Barnes that with the sun out, the area in which they lived was a beautiful sight to behold and that people fancied walking. Before she could offer Julia’s company to their guest in a suggested stroll, which she knew her mother would soon do, Julia interrupted the flow of the words by politely inquiring who the attending guests would be for the dinner party. 

Josephine barely seemed to register the ulterior motive her daughter had for the interruption, instead glad for the interaction that was finally occurring and happy to elaborate on the subject. This caused her mother to jump into a rather lengthy explanation behind the reason for the party - she wanted to introduce Lord Barnes to their friends and family. Upon her daughters quickly broadening smile, she smiled kindly and began to tell her who had been invited. 

“Early this morning I received the final confirmation,” Josephine was giddy with excitement and it only fed into Julia’s feelings. She had no confirmation yet, but there are a few people she hoped to see. 

Josephine went on to tell the two people at the table, that their nearest neighbour, Lord Rumlow would attend - one of the bachelors that her parents had incited to dinner in the precious months. From the corner of her eye she noticed Lord Barnes snap his head up, apparently interested in the conversation now. Josephine didn’t acknowledge the change and simply continued talking, saying that her brother, Lord Philip Coulson of Cambridgeshire and his wife Melinda would be in attendance - to her delight. As would his son, Julia’s favourite cousin, Clint. He would bring his growing family along. Finishing the group was Julia’s brother Alexander with his wife Carolina. Her brother would then proceed to be a guest in the manor for another fortnight. All negativity that had been building up in Julia’s mind instantly evaporated and she clapped her hands excitedly. 

Alexander had married Caroline two years ago, after which he had only been able to visit his family twice. Julia, and her parents, had unfortunately not been in the position to return that favour at all. Alexander had take over many of her fathers duties at court, taking his place in parliament and a large portion of his business. Julia had missed her brother a great deal and was glad to spend time with him soon, as well as his lovely wife. Carolina had been her friend at court and she would be delighted to receive news from their other friends that still lived in London. 

Julia had also been away from her cousin for far too long. Him and his wife Natalia had invited Julia over when their twins had been born and she had stayed for nearly two months on their estate in Kent. It had been a wonderful time and she understood why they preferred their estate in the country. Besides, her uncle wasn’t too keen on giving up his place with the queen just yet.   
Julia adored the family, the twins had been a delight as babies and she hoped that had not changed not that they were toddlers. She also hoped they would still remember her, though there was little hope. They had been very small still when she last saw them. 

With a new spring in her step, Julia excuses herself from the table, intending to spend some time in the confines of her room. There was a book she had hoping to read and perhaps she would even write Natalia and Caroline to share her excitement of their impending reunion. 

Before she retreated to her room though, she looked for Jones, hoping to get an explanation for her father’s uncharacteristic absence from breakfast. Jones kindly informed her of the head cold that had struck her father, restricting him to his bed. The kind butler assured her that bedrest would soon have him back on his feet, though Julia still worried and inquired if a doctor had been called. Jones confirmed that this had been done, they should expect a visit later that day. Still, Jones pressed, there was no need for worry. 

Julia vowed to herself that she would visit her father before the day was done, though she needed to get her letters out first. After all, time was of the essence if she wished to reach the recipients before they would begin their journey south. Therefore she continued her way to her room, leaving the entrance hall behind her and stepping on the first step of the grand staircase.   
She had been about to leap across the steps, giddy and in a rush to start writing, when a throat was cleared behind her. Despite her desire to keep walking, she turned towards the sound and hoped that the fake smile she plastered on her lips, at least appeared kind to the observer. 

“My lady, Lord Barnes said, dipping his head to her in an unexpected sign of etiquette. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from remarking on it, after all he had not shown much knowledge of customs, or perhaps it was a mere disinterest in them. 

“My lord,” she replied instead, making an awkward curtsy as she turned her entire body towards this without stepping off the step she was on. 

“My apologies for keeping you from your destination, but I was hoping to ask you a question,” the tone of his voice was smooth, light, the words utterly polite. 

“Please do,” Julia said with a nod and a smile, hoping to be done quickly, though she had an inkling that this would not be the case. 

“Would you be so kind to accompany me on a walk later this morning, if the weather permits it?” He asked and Julia had to fight to keep the shock from her face. She bit her lip, as her eyes widened a fraction, before she composed herself. 

She had successfully thwarted her mother in suggesting this earlier, only to have him pose the question himself. She had won no ground by her clever interruption. It had not occurred to her that he would want to take a walk with her, she figured he abhorred her company. He had not yet spoken more than a few words to her, which also made her wonder what they would discuss on this stroll. Still, Julia knew she could not decline this direct inquiry even if she wasn’t eager to accept. However, before she was able to utter a single word, her mother had walked up behind them and answered enthusiastically for her.

“She would be absolutely delighted, James. Wouldn’t you, Julia?” She asked, giving her daughter a pointed look from behind their guest. 

Julia’s eyes widened again momentarily, before she smiled again and nodded, agreeing with her mother that she would indeed be delighted to accompany him. The fresh air would do her good, she added, hoping to at least seem somewhat genuine for she was certain that he must have witnessed the surprise in her eyes at her mothers words. 

Gratitude filled her when at that exact moment Maudlin and Mary could be heard exiting the kitchen while discussing the linens that they would have to bring in before the rain would ruin them. Julia repressed a sigh of relief and excused herself with the explanation of her letters and rushed up the stairs to her room, though not before she had promised to find their guest once the rain cleared up. 

The moment the door closed behind her, Julia released the sigh she had been holding, following it with a groan of annoyance. This was not how she had imagined her morning to go. And though the rain had provided her with some reprieve, she knew it would be impossible to avoid the man for long. The deep dark grey of the sky was already showing signs of easing up in the distance and she knew the showers would not last too long. Unlike yesterday’s downpour that had lasted well into the night. Eventually Lord Barnes would come to collect her and she would have to attempt to keep a pleasant demeanour with him. 

***

James sighed heavily as he stared out the window, regarding the dreary weather that was currently raging just beyond the glass he sat behind. It felt fitting, quite similar to his ongoing mood. The winds that had ravaged the area yesterday had slowed considerably, but the rain was as persistent as ever. Despite the fact that the morning was well underway, it was rather dark out.   
It had been so bad that a maid had come to light his lamps only moments earlier. It was in that moment that he had realised that the household still used oil, rather than kerosine and a sigh escaped him. He knew exactly why they had not made the change, though he wondered if the parents had been open about this to their children. Julia didn’t seem to be aware of their situation. 

He glanced around his room once more. The colours that adorned the manor had obviously been chosen very carefully and with a keen eye and he was certain that the shine of a kerosene lamp would’ve illuminated those far better. It was a shame really. 

James had quickly come to regret his choice to come to this part of the country and almost wished he had remained at court. Not because he particularly liked the politics that would surround him there, but he still had plenty of business to conduct before he could return home. And he really wished to return home, for it had been far too long since he had seen the red bricks of his estate. Or the kind blue eyes of his mother, who currently resided in the home. He missed it and the peace of mind that always seemed to befall him there. 

However, he had allowed George to convince him to come here instead. They too had important business to complete and George had known it could not be avoided much longer. James had concurred, though he wondered just what George would be able to offer him. He had hoped to discuss the matter last night, but his host had claimed illness and retired soon after dinner had concluded, leaving James with no other choice than to do the same. He had vowed to himself that he would get his answers this morning. 

His expectations of the lodgings he had been given had been low, but he had been pleasantly surprised. The room had been warm, the decor inviting and the bed far more comfortable that he had thought it would be. His day had been more exhausting than he liked to admit, though sleep didn’t come easily. He had still been awake to hear the thunder cease its efforts hours after he had entered his room. The rain had still been pending against his window then and though others called the sound soothing, it infuriated him and kept him from dozing off. It wasn’t until the rain had softened considerably in the early hours of the morning that he had finally succumbed to his fatigue. 

After a few short hours, when he had come to the breakfast table, the exhaustion had still overwhelmed him. Especially when he had been informed that George would not be joining them. Apparently he really had gotten ill and was unable to leave his bed. James wanted to be angry and he certainly felt annoyance, though there was also a pang of guilt in his chest. He knew that George was a man of principles and he valued appearances, he would not skip a meal with his guests in an attempt to avoid them. He was clever enough to delay unwanted business in more sophisticated ways. 

With another sigh, James stood from his seat by the window and began pacing the room. He felt somewhat like a caged animal, which did nothing to improve his mood. The weather had already soured it enough. He was well aware that he had not been a gracious guest, which hd only managed to further highlight the kindness that the lady of the house bestowed upon him. He felt another pang of guilt over it, though he was not entirely convinced that he would be able to drastically change his behaviour. He found it impossible to forget why he was here nor the events that preceded it. He just wanted to get things done and move on. From the issue and this place. 

The damp caused by the weather was now seeping through the walls and a chill could be felt in the room, despite the roaring fire and he grabbed his thick robe to wear over his clothes. He really wanted to keep warm. The pain that the chill and damp caused would be detrimental to his already bad attitude and he was still hoping to improve it. Lady Josephine deserved as much. Besides, he wasn’t ready to let anyone noticed his agony, it would only lead to questions that he wasn’t willing to answer. Not to these people, not in this place. It was yet another reason why he wanted to return home. 

***

An hour or two passed before the weather finally turned around and a sliver of sunlight forced its way through the clouds. Julia wasn’t sure if she should be delighted or apprehensive, perhaps the combination of the two. The persistent rain wasn’t good for the farmers in the area after the drought that they had endured during the summer months and she worried for them. 

With determination she got up, fixed her hair in the mirror and inspected her dress. It was a checkered piece, red green and black. The neckline was black lace that created a high cover, obscuring her neck from view. The lace returned at the bottom of the sleeves and the train. She had carefully chosen it, with the weather in mind. The unavoidable puddles would ruin a light dress. She found no imperfections on the dress and resigned herself to the role of dutiful daughter, leaving the room in search of the lord that was currently residing in the most luxurious guest room their manor held. 

She did not have to look far, for the man had already departed from his own room and made his way to the grand staircase. He was talking to one of his own employees and was yet to notice her. His hands waved animatedly and for a moment she thought he was merely explaining something. However, as she moved closer, she noticed the anger on his face. Struck with the sudden desire to listen in, she almost ducked into the shadows of the dimply lit hallway. She would love to know what angered him so. Yet, she composed herself and made sure to make some sound as she came closer, loudly greeting the maid that was walking past. 

She noticed that Lord Barnes snapped his head in her direction, rolling his shoulders and taking a a few deep breaths before he walked towards her. She smiled kindly wondering if she should brace herself for the sour mood he appeared to be in. His valet curtsied, before taking the steps two at a time, rushing down. Julia followed him with her eyes, trying to imagine just what he would be rushing off to, before she turned her attention back to the man standing next to her. For once there was no smirk adorning his featured as he regarded her, but an actual smile. One that still didn’t seem to reach his eyes. She wondered just what weighed on him, for she could not imagine someone that never truly smiled. 

“My lady, would it be possible to steal you away for that walk now?” He asked politely and though part of her still wished she could decline, she was intrigued by the man. He still made her somewhat uncomfortable, perhaps because he was difficult to read, and his behaviour the previous evening plagued her mind. Even if he showed marginally better conduct this morning. 

She nodded instead, a small smile playing on her lips as she was determined not to show any unease. He offered her his arm and guided her down the stairs. Not a word was spoken until the reached the bottom and Julia was glad for it. She didn’t know what to say to him, which subjects to breach or avoid.   
Glancing around in search of Mary, who had been assigned as their chaperone, she wasn’t surprised to see the woman round the corner that exact moment. She had clearly been keeping an eye on the weather, much like Julia had. She curtsied, while Jones walked in their direction with their coats. 

Julia noticed that his coat had extra lining and wondered why someone would wear such a warm coat this time of the year. That was when she saw which frock Jones had gotten her. Not the light overcoat that she had worn these past few weeks, but a warmer one.

“My apologies, Lady Julia, I took the liberty to get a warmer coat as the winds and rain have considerably cooled the air,” the man explained and Julia smiled at his consideration. 

“Thank you, Jones, I appreciate the consideration. I had not realised.”

Not long after she found herself outside, huddled in the long coat and suppressing a shudder as the icy winds swept over the landscape and pulled at her hair. Perhaps it was the contrast with the previous warm weather, but it suddenly seemed far too chilly for the time of the year and she was even more grateful for Jones’s quick thinking. 

Slowly they walked around the manor, towards the path that would take them around their grounds and towards the nearest town. She didn’t know if he wanted to walk that far, but it was probably the best path to brave after all the rain. Any other path she could think of would be absolutely riddled with puddles and mud. Still, it took them some navigating to get around any and all puddles that adorned this path as well in an attempt to keep their shoes and clothes from ruin. 

“I’m beginning to think we should have taken a ride in my carriage instead,” Lord Barnes said softly and she glanced at his face without an immediate response. She wasn’t entirely sure how to reply. 

“Did you wish to return?” She finally asked and he shook his head with a smile. A real one. 

“I prefer walking, though I do not wish for your dress to be ruined,” he explained and she could not help but smile, as she assured him her dress would be fine. This was a kindness she had not expected from him. She didn’t bother telling him that she too preferred walking. After the short exchange, they continued to walk in silence, with Mary a short distance behind them.

Lord Barnes offered his hand to help her manoeuvre around the few fresh puddles they encountered, once even bending down to lift her dress over them. He was behaving as a perfect gentleman and Julia had trouble to coincide this side of him with the one he had shown her before. He even tried more than once to get a conversation going, but Julia had difficulty playing the role of the dutiful hostess that she had vowed to take on. She felt that the slights towards her mother were too great to ignore. 

“Can I ask what brought you here?” She finally asked, opting for this rather than the questions she really wanted answered, thinking she could perhaps work up to those. 

“Your father invited me,” he didn’t seem fazed by her impertinent inquiry. 

“Where did you meet him?” It was hard to take the time for a build up of questions, she had never been the most patient person and preferred bluntness. Still, she did not want to shame her parents more than she was already doing by asking for answers she wasn’t necessarily privy too. 

“At court,” he said and paused, she almost wondered if that was all she would receive when he finally began to elaborate, “Like you, I was there for most of my childhood. Our families have always done quite some business with one another.” 

“My apologies, I do not recall,” Julia was quick to offer as her cheeks turned pink. It occurred to her that she had been quite rude by not knowing these answers. She should have just asked her mother. 

“Don’t atone for an imperceptible slight, my Lady, you were young,” He chuckled, “I left early for my studies, we would not have crossed paths often. When I returned, you had already relocated here.” 

“I see, does your father still reside at court?” 

“No, my father passed away some time ago” 

“My condolences, I did not mean to pry,” Julia hung her head, realising that she might not get to the questions that were burning in her mind. She did not want to seem insensitive to his loss. 

“Thank you,” he pursed his lips and looked straight ahead. “I took over after that, though I prefer Sheffield over court.” 

“I see,” she nodded, unsure where to go from this. 

The silence that followed hung heavily between them and lasted far longer than she wished for. Julia was mulling over the questions she wished to ask him and the proper way to construct them.   
Finally the words just burned on her tongue and she realised that perhaps she should just spew them. 

“Did you not wish to be here then?” She tentatively began and he seemed shocked by her words, whipping his head in her direction. She could hear the sudden intake of breath behind her and knew that Mary had heard every word. A pink tinge spread on her cheeks more violently now, but she could not take it back. The harm had been done. She could only hope for his leniency. 

“I have some business to conduct with your father. After which I do hope to return home speedily.” He finally answered and Julia studied his features as he did. He appeared genuine. 

“I wonder,” she stopped herself, this was perhaps the hardest part but she felt that she was at the point of no return. She really wished to be answered, hopefully without ruining her parents reputation in the process. 

“Yes, my Lady?” He pressed, a kind look on his face and it gave her the courage to continue. 

“Have my parents wronged you?” She finally asked and took a deep breath as she looked at him. They had stopped walking, and stood facing one another. Mary still keeping a few steps distance between them. 

“My apologies, I don’t think I understand,” he asked, a look of shock crossing his features. 

“Last night it appeared that you could not repay the kindness that my mother bestowed upon you,” her heart hammered in her chest, there was no telling how he would respond. It was improper to be this blunt, especially with someone she barely knew. He could easily ruin her reputation and that of her parents. The queen had shown him a great kindness, which meant he had a stellar one himself. His word would overpower hers in the court of public perception. 

James was silent, staring down at her and she shifted under his intense gaze. She wished he would speak, but when he did not she decided to elaborate. There was very little to loose now. 

“It appeared that she had been nothing but gracious and you could not repay her in kind,” 

“Indeed, Lady Josephine is a very sophisticated lady. I shall apologise when I see her,” he smiled as he spoke and offered her his arm once more, to continue their walk into town. 

Julia was stunned. She had not expected him to agree with her, she had prepared for a verbal lashing, anger, revulsion. Instead he promised to apologise. All the anger that had been building up inside of her suddenly evaporated with this unsuspected change of events. She truly did not understand this man. Julia glanced behind and saw Mary’s wide eyes and opened mouth. She had shocked her maid and could only hope that the woman would remain quiet on the subject. She really didn’t want anyone in the manor to know about this. She had been mortified enough by her own brazen actions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia tries to get a read on James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was FINALLY able to finish another chapter of this story. Still looking for a beta for all my work.   
Any and all feedback is welcome!

After their loaded conversation, they both needed a moment to overthink the information that was shared. For the continuation of their walk into town conversation was kept light - Julia commented on the constantly changing weather and James asked questions about various things they walked past. Julia finale felt most of the tension leave her body and she ready to enjoy their stroll around the town centre. There were only a few shops, but enough to entertain them for a moment. There were also people, plenty of people and all of them were drawn to the handsome new face that entered their town square. 

All too soon James became somewhat of an attraction. Not too many strangers ventured into this part of the country, except for vendors. Nobility like James would usually exclusively reside in the manors of other lords and ladies. There were a few of those families in the area; such as the Rumlow family that lived nearest to the Fitzgeralds. They were rich and notoriously ruthless in business, but they had always been kind to Julia.Then there was Julia’s uncle Phil, Clint’s father, who lived only an hour away. And just a tad further was the Stark family. Julia hadn’t seen the Starks since court though. Parties were very limited here as most of the families split their time between court and the country and sought out calm when they were here. 

Which in short meant, that it was a rare occasion where such a well dressed, obviously well-off man would venture into town. Julia had to work hard to keep him from being overrun by the gossiping elderly and the multitude of parents that wished to introduce their daughters to him. James was polite, though she saw clear signs of discomfort in his demeanour. As much as she enjoyed his unease on other occasions, she knew better than to walk away from her duties. He was her guest, her parents guest, and she needed to help him as best she could. 

She understood the reaction James got from her neighbours. The area had suffered economically in recent years and there was a definite allure to a man like James. It would be a sure way to provide for their families. Knowing the quick ways of town gossip, she was certain that they knew exactly what he made in a year. Something Julia did not know, she realised just then. 

James was surprised by all the attention he was getting, whispering to Julia that none of them even knew him. She tried to suppress a laugh as she took in his widened eyes as he spoke to her. One of her elderly neighbours was quick to inform them that the approval of the Fitzgeralds was enough of a recommendation to his character. Julia blushed at the compliment directed at her family, happy that people perceived them so positively. It mattered to her what people thought of her and her family. Still, she wasn’t entirely clear if she did approve of James’s character. This was not the moment to address that however, so she bit her tongue. 

Eventually the crowds thinned and Julia was able to turn them around, ready to go home. It was still a good twenty minutes to go and dark clouds were slowly gathering over their heads. Unconsciously Julia picked up the pace and since James kept up rather effortlessly, she did not notice until her breath started to become strained. It was now his turn to chuckle and he took her hand to lay on his arm, as he slowed their pace again. Relieved she breathed in, though she kept a wary eye on the sky. 

When the manor finally came into view Julia repressed the urge to run for it. Conversations had long died and the silence was weighing heavier on her shoulders by the minute. Initially she enjoyed it, but soon her mind had started playing tricks on her and she wondered if his silence was perhaps a foreboding one. After all, she had been rather direct and possibly rude to the man beside her and with the house coming closer this was becoming far more real in her head. Her efforts to run interference with the locals might not have been enough to plead her case. Not that this was the only reason why she helped him. But what if he intended to tell her parents? They’d be mortified. 

All worries were quickly cast from her mind though, as the heavens opened up and rain pelted down on them. She heard Mary gasp from the sudden chill it added to the air and all three of them quickened their pace once more, but it was of no use. By the time they entered the foyer of her childhood home, they were soaked through and through. 

The door was already open as they reached the building and as soon as they crossed the threshold, Josephine was fussing over them as only a mother would. Jones quickly helped them out of their coats, while Maudlin came over with warm towels. She wrapped the company of three in those fluffy cloths in quick succession. Then she guided her daughter to her own quarters, certain that Julia and James were well taken care off by others. She was correct of course, since his valet came rushing down the stairs to tend to James. And Julia found herself in the gentle care of her mother, who explained that her chambermaid had gone home to her family and Mary needed some time to herself. 

“When did Charlotte leave?” Julia wondered out loud, only now realising that she had not seen the woman in two days. Her mothers chambermaid was always quiet, but not invisible. 

“Yesterday morning,” Josephine softly replied as she worked on the lacing of Julia’s dress. Julia tried to catch her mother’s eyes through the floor length mirror, but to no avail. 

“Who has been helping you?” 

“Maudlin and Mary, my dear,” her mother’s voice was calm as she focussed on her task, but there was just a slight undertone that told Julia there was more to it. However, it was clear to her that her mother did not seem eager to discuss the matter and Julia decided to accept that for now. Besides, she was far too cold to focus on much else. Therefore she wrapped herself in her warm robe and waited under the covers of her bed, as her mother prepared a bath for her. 

***

James was exhausted. For a good few minutes he was certain that his stay here would be the end of him. It had not even been a full day, but it had proven to be a taxing one already. The words that Julia had spoken during their walk, ran through his mind. As well as the many questions and introductions that had been thrown his way in town. Everyone had been polite, though subtlety wasn’t a talent for most. It had amused him, and exhausted him. And now he was so incredibly cold, that he was certain he would not be able to catch some shut-eye. 

He tried to roll his shoulder, as the watery chill seeped into his bones and pain shot through his arm. Silently cursing, he paced the room in an attempt to remain calm. He would need something else to focus on, something other than the pain and he walked into the adjoining bathroom where his valet was currently making him a bath. 

“Peter, have you been successful today?” His voice was a rough grumble and he took a deep breath to fix it. Peter did not deserve his foul attitude. The young man had gone above and beyond during this bout of travelling. It was not his fault that the results were lacking. 

“No sir. My apologies, sir,” the tall gangly boy said, his eyes averted. He obviously sensed the tension in his boss and threaded lightly, “Your bath is ready, sir.” 

James waved him off and disrobed, quickly stepping into the steaming water. A sigh left his lips as the warmth had its quick effect and soothed the pain in the tangled mess of scars that was his shoulder. He could faintly hear Peter rummaging around in his room and assumed he was stoking up the fire. The boy knew just how much James hated the cold. It was why his own home had undergone rigorous adjustments that helped keep out the chill. After all the northern part of this beautiful country was a vast deal colder. 

Oh, how he had enjoyed the long summer of this year. Though he did wonder now if he had appreciated it enough. Perhaps he had not. 

“Peter?” He called out and before long the young man poked his curly head into the door, a bright smile on his kind face, “Can you find out if I could have a moment with Lord Fitzgerald today?” 

If he was going to endure the cold and accompanying pain, James would rather do it from the comforts of his own home. Therefore he needed to get to business. He could not allow George to stall their dealings for too long. Even if he did enjoy the company of his beautiful daughter. She was tempting, luring him in quickly with her calculated stares and the desire to question everything. It reminded him of his dear sister and offered a nice distraction from his worries. However, there was business to be done and he could not neglect his duties. 

***

Still reeling from the cold, Julia decided to have her lunch in her room. It was rather late for it anyway. She was not ready to leave the warmth that the roaring fire provided. There were fires burning in every hearth of the manor, but most rooms were far larger than her bedroom and she guessed that those rooms would not be as pleasantly sizzling.

Julia spend her time lazily cutting into the carrots on her plate, munching on small bites while she contemplated the events of the morning. Their walk had lasted far longer than she had anticipated. Truthfully, her feet were a little sore. Though that probably had more to do with the muddy soil they had walked on and eventually even had to run on. Her shoes were definitely not made for running, she thought as she regarded them - discarded in the corner by the door. Hopefully they weren’t completely ruined by the rain and mud. She would have to ask Mary about that, if her friend would stay long enough to talk. At this point it was clear she was avoiding Julia, or at least speaking to her. Julia only hoped that this would be over by the days end. 

Julia really needed someone to talk through everything she had said, wanted to analyse his replies. He had not shunned her after her impertinent behaviour, though there had been long bouts of silence during their walk home. She worried about what he thought of her now and if her behaviour would reflect badly on her parents. He was a hard person to read and she couldn’t figure it out by herself. One moment he seemed to be testing her, amusement clear in his eyes. Other moments he could be kind. It was seriously confusing her. 

She wondered if she had judged him too harshly the previous night, only to remember his conversation with his valet. Peter, she thought his name was. He was young, eager and James had appeared to be cussing him out. Had the boy deserved it? She couldn’t be certain, though her mother certainly had not deserved his attitude. Regardless, Julia thought it classless to be mean to the staff. She had made them her friends, rather than just employees - after all, they did so much for her and her family. 

Finally Julia decided it was time to show her face again. She left her room in favour of the drawing room - where she would read a book, she had decided. As she descended the stairs, voices could be heard and she quietly moved closer, her curiosity getting the best of her, as it usually did. She recognised the voices as those of James and her mother, and she was pleasantly surprised to hear him apologise. Apparently he was true to his word, which was definitely a good thing.

His words were a little forced and perhaps even awkward, but her mother seemed elated to receive them. Josephine’s bright smile quickly brought a smile to Julia’s face as well and she had a little spring in her step as she approached the two. She made a mental note to be kinder in her opinion of their guest, before greeting them happily as she passed them. 

Once in the drawing room, she picked up a book she had begun earlier in the week and sat down in the comfortable windowsill seat. Taking a moment to look out of the window, she regarded the muddy roads with a deep sigh. The rain was still falling down in heavy streams and she wondered briefly if it was not too much water all at once.   
She must have dozed off, because she was suddenly awoken by the realisation that she was no longer alone in the room. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden nearness of another human being, intensified by the knowledge that it could only be James. Her father was still confined to his bedroom and her mother was not known for her soft careful thread - often walking to fast throughout the house to be quiet. Besides, Josephine had taken to sitting with her bedridden husband. 

The darkening skies told Julia that quite some time had passed and she quickly turned to see James sitting at an ornate desk just a short distance from her. The swishing of her skirts seemed to make more noise than the man sitting at that writing desk. He looked up at her with an amused smile on his features. With a hand pressed to her heart, Julia smiled back, a tad nervous as she met his gaze. 

“I did not mean to frighten you, my lady” he offered, mirth shining through his tone. 

“Julia, please” she merely answered, as her heart rate slowed down again.   
“Julia,” he mulled over the name, as if he could taste it. The smirk on his lips told her that he liked it and she suppressed a shiver. He was very much like a predator and she the prey. Though his current behaviour was that of a well behaved gentleman, there was a certain darkness to this man that she could not decipher. It kept her on her toes whenever she was around him. 

“I did not mean to intrude, however I did not wish to be alone in an empty bedroom. Therefore I hope you will allow me to write some letters in your company.” 

“Indeed you can, make yourself at home,” Julia quickly replied, a slight blush on her cheeks as she spoke. It appeared, he had that effect on her. Having been caught napping did not help either. 

“Thank you, your company might make it a less tedious task,” He said with a smile and Julia just smiled back. His words confused her and she was not entirely sure how to respond. Therefore she settled on nodding and smiling at his confession. 

It was hard to concentrate on reading, now that he was with her. Then again, she hadn’t done a good job of that before either. Still, his presence was distracting and she kept imagining the feeling of his eyes on her form. She tried telling herself that she was being silly, though she dared not glance in his direction. Whether he was truly looking at her was irrelevant. His closeness was unnerving even without doing so and she could no longer pretend to be reading the same page. It had been too long. 

She closed the book and paced the room for a bit, until she could hear the doctor leave her father’s room. She moved to the back of the room, where she placed the book back on its shelve - vowing to herself that she would one day give it a fair chance. Behind her the door opened and fell close again. She glanced back and saw his valet stepping in with determination in his steps. 

The young man bent down low and whispered in James’s ear. Immediately she could see the tension rising in his shoulders and she repressed the urge to interfere. Instead she remained in the back of the room to give them space. The whispered response James gave was clearly filled with anger, though Peter did not flinch. The boy just nodded, took some letters from his boss and walked out of the room again. James deflated a little and let out a deep sigh. 

“Is everything alright?” She wondered out loud, unable to contain herself any longer. 

James instantly whipped his head around at the sound of her voice and for a short moment she was taken aback by the anger that was visible in his eyes. Upon seeing her reaction, he schooled his features so quickly that it almost made her wonder if she had imagined it. The thrumming of her heart told her that she had not. 

“Yes, my apologies, I’m anxiously awaiting a contract and there have been quite a few delays,” James explained and Julia nodded in understanding, not willing to pry any more. He had already been more than gracious when it came to her prodding questions. 

“If we can help with that in any way, please do let us know,” She offered, hoping to redeem herself as a hostess. Walking away from the bookcases, she made her way to the front of the room, ready to exit the space. 

“Thank you. Are you leaving?” He wondered, his voice quickly stalling her movements. 

“I was hoping to visit my father for a moment, see how he is,” She explained, anxious to leave now. 

“I do hope for a speedy recovery,” James offered with a kind smile and Julia scolded herself for having been frightened by his anger. It had not been directed at her, she should not make it a bigger ordeal than it truly was. 

“Indeed, as do I.” 

***

Darkness surrounded Julia as she sat up in her bed. Her heart was racing and she tried to make out the different shapes in her room that were now casting ominous shadows in the slivers of moonlight that peeked through her curtain. She had been in a deep sleep, when something had woken her up and she was not sure what it had been. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, though she could not shake the unease in her mind. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, before she grabbed the thick robe that hung from a hook by her dresser. 

She then moved towards the dying fire in her fireplace, needing the heat that it was still emanating. Taking hold of a poke, she tried to recreate the flames - even throwing on another log. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, she never had to make a fire, but this was something she had seen Mary do before. 

That was when she heard a scuffle in the room to her right and she stood back up, confused. Carefully she moved towards the door, listening for another sound, but hearing nothing. Still, she could not relax. The room where the sound had originated from was the guest room where her father currently resided. He had been sniffing and coughing for a week already and had not wanted to disturb his wife during the night. Therefore he had opted for the guest room. They had plenty of those, so Julia thought nothing of it. 

She decided to check on her father and opened her bedroom door, glancing out to see if perhaps someone else had heard him as well. The hallway was clear and she stepped out, rushing towards the next door. The carpet was soft on her bare feet, her toes quickly cooling off and she scolded herself for forgoing slippers.   
More ruckus could be heard through the door and she knocked softly, worrying if perhaps he had tumbled out of bed. This afternoon his fever had been rising, and she feared that he was too weak to help himself back up. When there came no answer to her knocking, she finally opened the door, careful not to make too much noise. 

Through the open door Julia could see her father up and about, softly mumbling to himself as he stacked the books he had apparently knocked over. She lingered in the doorway, confused by the slightly delirious string of words falling from his lips. He wasn’t aware of her presence yet and though she planned to inform him, she could not help but stare in silence. It was clear that something had him worried. As he mumbled to himself, his hand movements became more chaotic and he was getting angry. This confused her even more, since her father rarely got angry. Not even when she and her brother would cause a disruption as children. Which they managed to do during important business meetings, yet he never raised his voice. He would only sent them to play elsewhere. 

“Such a fool,” she overheard him mumble and she stepped into the room, ready to ease his worries in whatever way she could. 

“All my fault,” it appeared that he was angry with himself and not another. She would not have known how to calm him then. “Should have been better.” 

She wondered what he was beating himself up over, but knew better than to ask. Instead she was trying to think of things to cheer him up as she moved closer to him. She wasn’t trying to be quiet, though he did not seem to be aware of her presence - even as she bumped her hip into the desk, rattling the contents on top of it.

“What will Jules think of me?” Those words stopped her in her tracks and she gasped. How could he ever worry about such things, she wondered. She was certain that he could never do anything to make her think less of him. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” She finally asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Her touch finally pulled him from the trancelike state he had been in and he seemed surprised - not only to see her, but to be out of bed as well. Confused he looked down at his thin pyjamas and he shivered. Julia quickly ushered him to his bed and gently tucked him in. 

“I needed to clear my head,” George finally answered as he tried to suppress a yawn. Julia smiled as she smoothed out his hair and kissed his forehead. He still felt warm, though it wasn’t as bad as it had been that afternoon. 

“Why don’t you try to sleep a bit?” She asked gently and he nodded, his eyes already fluttering shut and she placed another blanket over his form, before walking back out of the room. She kept her gaze on his face and when she reached the door, she was satisfied that he was truly asleep. 

Quietly she closed the door and stepped back from it, only to bump into the solid form of James. She opened her mouth to scream, but he quickly placed a firm hand over her lips - containing the sound. 

“My apologies, I truly did not mean to scare you,” he was quick to whisper and she nodded, stepping back from him and he let her. His hands went behind his back and she assumed he clasped them together. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, perhaps a little harsher then intended. 

“I heard things falling and then voices, I thought I’d check to see if anyone needed help,” 

“No, everything is fine,” Julia answered, still wary of his presence. “Wait, how could you have heard anything at all, all the way over there?” She asked, taking another step away from him and pointing towards his room. His room was at a considerable distance from this guest room and given the soft noises she had heard from her adjacent room, it seemed impossible that he had heard anything. 

“I wasn’t in my room,” he shuffled on his feet as he said this and she kinked her head to the side, awaiting an explanation. “I couldn’t sleep and went to borrow a book,” he held up the copy she had been reading that afternoon and she frowned. Finally she decided that she was far too tired to wonder and began walking towards her own bedroom-door again. 

“Good night, James,” she said, her tone still a little harsher then intended, but she couldn’t be bothered to correct it. It was late, she was tired and his presence was unnerving as always. 

“Sweet dreams, Julia,” he smiled sweetly and moved past her towards his own room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia is worried about her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for taking so long to write a new chapter. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Julia sat up in her bed, her heart hammering in her chest as she glanced around the deep darkness that surrounded her. She could hear another stumble from the adjacent room, and she sprung up and ran towards the sound. She worried that her father had gotten up once again, stumbling in a feverish haze. Afraid that he would hurt himself, she moved quickly with the hope that she could get him back in bed before that happened. The length of his sickbed frightened her, and his feverish ramblings only increased the feeling.  
In her haste, she had forgone both slippers and a robe, but she didn’t register the cold as she ran—she was too focused on getting to her father to give it any more attention.

As she reached the room in which her father still resided, she noticed the door was standing ajar, and an eerily familiar feeling stopped her in her tracks. Soft voices wafted through the nearly invisible crack, and relief washed over her at the realisation that someone had already reached him. The feeling of safety was cut short, however, when she recognised the voices. Confused, she stepped closer, curiosity peaking now that she knew James was with her father. Why would he be? And why did he spit his words out? Dit he have a reason to be angry?

Quietly, she tried to push the door open a little more and found that the large space was lit by a single candle. It wasn’t enough to give her a clear line of sight, but she could make out two dark outlines next to the bed. James towered over her father, and she tried to remember if he had ever seemed quite this tall. Her father seemed to cower in his presence, confusing her even more. She had always known him to be a proud man, standing tall through any ordeal. There was no rhyme or reason to the sight before her, and she stood still as she tried to decipher the scene.

Their voices weren’t loud enough to carry their message to her ears, but their tone was clear and she could’ve sworn that her name was mentioned once or twice. But that wasn’t what got to her—it was the secretive behaviour of them speaking in the dead of night that chilled her to the bone and kept her body frozen in the doorway.  
She knew she had to do something; tell them to go to bed, or perhaps she should just leave—but her feet wouldn’t move and her mouth was too dry to speak.

Then James finally appeared to lose his temper and he stepped even closer to her father, the grimace on his face crystal clear despite the lack of light, and his finger poked the older man in the chest.

“You know what I’m capable of.” The words were spat and there was a menacing tone to his voice that Julia had never heard before. Her heart clenched in fear and she wanted to help her father, defend him.

“My apologies, sir,” her father whimpered, and her heart skipped a beat at the broken sound. His use of sir surprised her; they were of the same rank, not to mention acquaintances—there was no need for such a formality.

“I will need payment eventually,” James said, his tone softer now. He appeared tired now, suddenly defeated and Julia’s head reeled from the sudden change.

That was the moment her limbs decided to listen to her brain again and she stepped into the room, moving towards her father. James’s head shot in her direction and before she could worry about her state of undress, she stopped dead in her tracks over something else entirely. His eyes weren’t the icy blue she had gotten used too—they were bright red. A scream died in her throat as she stood there, while he moved in on her with unbelievable speed.

***

Sitting up in her bed, her breath ragged and her heart beating wildly in her chest, Julia wondered if she would ever get a full night of sleep again. Exhaustion was dragging her movements, but the nightmare had reared its head every single night these past two weeks. She didn’t really understand why they happened, nor why James’s role was so dark in them—he hadn’t done anything to dignify it. The red eyes were a new addition, however, and though she blamed it on the novel she had recently read, she prayed for the night where the dream would disappear.

Bringing her hands up to rub her face, she was surprised to find tears on her cheeks. Quickly, she swiped them away, a tad angry at herself for letting her emotions run ragged. With a deep sigh, she turned towards the window, and despite the heavy curtains that hung before it, she could tell that it was still dark. Wide awake and unsettled, she moved towards the candle on her nightstand, lighting it swiftly.

Julia was cold, a chill set deep into her bones that even the multitude of blankets could not challenge. The horror of her dream had set ablaze her heart, and the sensation was strange when combined with the chill, as if, her body could no longer decide what to do—cool her off or warm her up. Rationally, she was well aware that it had only been a dream, but the knowledge did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves. She hoped the light from the candle would help. In the weak glow, she tried to refocus her brain by identifying all the shadows in her peripheral.

It wasn’t working.

The shadows dancing around the small light seemed far more frightening than ever before. As if they were hiding figures that meant her harm. Eventually, after recounting all items in her room, she gave up trying—getting up instead and moving around her room, to see beyond the shadows.  
It was just her and her furniture—there was nothing there to scare her. Again, her frayed nerves weren’t listening. With another deep sigh, she sat down in a chair by the fire, pulling a thick blanket around herself. She doused the candle, afraid to cause a fire if she was lucky enough to fall asleep, and stared into the dancing flames of the fire in her hearth. It was slowly dying, but it still gave off just enough heat to provide a battle against the cold inside of her.

Julia tried to convince herself that nothing was amiss. Her father was sound asleep in the room next to hers—she could hear his snores through the wall. James had beautiful blue eyes, not red ones and he wasn’t some monster from her novels. He might have been crude upon his arrival, but he had not been cruel or intimidating after that first night. The only person he had been angry with was his valet, and the young man hadn’t seemed to mind one bit. He was still full of smiles.  
She knew her dream had no validity in reality, even if the fear proved hard to shake.

Her heartbeat finally slowed and the shaking in her limbs was brought back to a minimum. The dancing flames had a lulling effect as she stared into the smouldering hearth, and since she was far too old to hide underneath the blankets of her mother, she settled in the chair—ready for another sleepless night. Blanket pulled high up to her nose, she leaned against the chair and spent the rest of the night on the balance between sleeping and awake.

***

Still exhausted, Julia wandered the large garden behind her house, letting the cold winds wake her up. As he had done every day since their first walk 15 days ago, James joined her. He noticed she was uncharacteristically quiet and he observed her posture, as she stared at the grass they walked on. He didn’t need to see her face to know she wasn’t sleeping; he knew the signs all too well—he was just not certain how to address the issue.  
Carefully, he inquired how she was doing, not wanting to push any boundaries—that was more her forté. When she shrugged it off, he prodded gently; confessing that her demeanour appeared different, quieter, which she could not deny at the moment, though she hadn’t been quiet before this morning. If anything, she had spoken more, about silly things, anything to fill the silence, afraid that comfortable silence would lull her to sleep. And though she tried to deny his claims, he wasn’t relenting, gently pressing the subject and she silently cursed his observing nature.

“I am good, perhaps somewhat fatigued,” she finally offered after a few more moments of that dreaded silence, combined with his unrelenting stares. He was concerned and it was nice, even if she wished he would not see through her facade.

She glanced up at him to find him pondering his next words. They kept moving through the carefully crafted garden, passing the same bushes for the third time, when she went left instead of right and led him into her favourite part of the garden—the wildflowers. It was was less structured; her mother had thought that wildflowers deserved as much, and silly as it might have been, it was where Julia felt most comfortable. It reminded her of the fields through which she rode her horse sometimes.

“Have you been worried?” James asked after a while and she wondered why that would be his first guess. She nodded, admitting it for the first time and he sighed. He wished he knew how to help her.

“How did you know?” She asked finally and he smiled, a real smile, one that reached his eyes. He still rarely displayed them, even if it made him quite handsome. The fact that he bestowed it upon her warmed her heart, it showed his empathy so clearly. His uncaring attitude was just a facade, she knew now. And it made her wonder what had him hiding from the world.

“It happens to me as well,” he said with a shrug, trying to play it off as unimportant.

Julia was intrigued by the little peek into his psyche that he offered her, and she stopped walking to look at him. He seemed uncomfortable, though he didn’t hide behind the uncaring mask again. She understood he was baring himself for her and she didn’t want the moment to end just yet.

“Do you have many worries?” She asked bravely, standing just a little too close to him.

James sighed deeply as he stared into her warm eyes, the emotion behind them inviting him to bare his soul. It wasn’t something he was used too, and it scared him more than he liked to admit. He had already been more vulnerable with her than he had been with anyone else in a very long time, and it felt unreal and also a little dangerous. Trusting others had often proved to be a far too risky endeavour.Not that any of it truly mattered in this moment though, for he had no clue how to explain his deepest darkest thoughts to her. It was impossible to explain the exhaustion that settled deep inside his bones, making every movement of limbs a little harder each day.  
It had been months since he’d had a good night's sleep, and he was afraid he might’ve forgotten what it was like. But more than that, there was too much weighing on his mind, and the exhaustion from that was more difficult than physical tiredness could ever be. There seemed no reprieve for the worry that settled in his brain, a constant companion now, and he wished once more that he could finally go home.

Home was where he knew the people, all the nooks and crannies of the place he lived in. Home was where there was trust and he hoped that it would be where he could finally close his eyes again. He hoped the tense muscles would finally find a way to relax, to unravel the knots in them. He hoped that he would be able to turn his mind off, if only for a little while. He needed it so desperately that he could feel it in his nerves. How does one convey such a message? Especially without telling her of his biggest worry—the secrets that her family kept from her, the ones he was here to reveal.

Upon seeing the emotions pass through his eyes, Julia unconsciously stepped closer to him, willing it to ease his pain. The ruffles of her skirt brushed his ankles and his heart beat just a little faster as he realised how close she was. Worry for him shone clear in her eyes as she regarded him, and he wondered what words were burning on her tongue—certain that she was fighting the urge to speak freely. Still, she did not press, didn’t urge him to share his secrets; instead, she just looked at him with care. And just like that, her mere presence made him wish to tell her. He suddenly wanted to share his burden with her, even though he knew he should not.  
They were still in the process of getting to know one another, she had no loyalty to him. Besides, if she found out why he was here, she’d turn from him. Perhaps she’d even despise him, and he was certain that he couldn’t handle that after opening up to her.

He took a steadying breath and opened his mouth, uncertain of what to say, but knowing that she deserved some elaboration. After all, she had been open and honest with him as well. He was saved the trouble when hurried footsteps could be heard approaching and Julia was suddenly aware of the close proximity in which they were standing. Quickly, she stepped back, a deep crimson blush spreading on her cheeks and neck. The sight was so lovely that James fought to urge to steal a kiss. Clearing his throat, he took another step away from her, creating a safe distance.

Julia couldn’t meet his eyes, and she took a deep breath to steady her nerves, bracing herself to face the rest of the world again. Whatever connection they had made was now gone, and the few steps between them suddenly seemed far greater than it had before, and she wasn’t sure what to make of her feelings about that. She was confused and needed a moment to collect her thoughts.  
Just then, Mary reached them—out of breath and radiating a happiness that was infectious.

“Sir Alexander has arrived!” Mary happily exclaimed, excitedly moving in place.

Momentarily forgetting about her worries, a big bright smile broke out on Julia’s face. She knew Mary was as fond of him as she was. He had a highly contagious demeanour that pulled people in. It was a rare occasion in which Alexander did not smile and spread his merry humour. People were often instantly enamoured by the man, and Julia was yet to meet anyone that disliked him. The closest they had come, was when an elderly family member had confessed to needing the calm that left the room as soon as Alexander entered it. But even that man could not deny the likability of Alex.

Jumping in place and clapping her hands excitedly, Julia was unable to restrain herself not that her eager waiting was over. She would finally be able to hug him and his beautiful wife. She glanced back at James, who stood even further from her now, and he smiled as he watched the joy spread through her like lightning. He nodded almost imperceptibly, silently agreeing that this was the end of their walk and their conversation. She returned the gesture, before taking off—hastily walking towards the front of the house where she was certain he would still be getting off the coach that had brought him to her. James and Mary followed her at a slower pace, though they were not too far behind.

“Julia!” Alexander called out as soon as she rounded the corner that brought her to the front entrance of the manor and she smiled brightly as she caught sight of the tall, blond-haired man standing by his coach.

Alexander had been directing his valet, but he quickly halted his actions upon seeing his sister. He took quick, large strides towards her and pulled Julia into a tight embrace as soon as he got close enough. Her feet quickly left the ground and he twirled her through the air, laughing loudly as he heard his mother gasp at the display. He always did like toeing boundaries. Julia giggled happily at his antics, playfully slapping his chest as he put her down.

“What a sight for sore eyes,” he exclaimed dramatically, stepping back from her and taking in her appearance. Julia shook her head—it was part of his charm to never be without a compliment. Often people waved it off as mindless flattery, but Julia knew better. Alexander was bad at lying; he only complimented people he cared for. After all, he had been taught the same lesson as she was by their grandmother; ‘don’t speak harm.’ All her grandchildren had taken it to heart.

“I’ve missed you!” Julia said, still smiling brightly—her worries suddenly seemed like a lifetime ago. They would surely resurface in a short while, but she would enjoy the reprieve.  
It took her a moment, but she finally remembered her manners and turned towards the man that had been in her company previously.

“James,” she said and beckoned him closer, “This is m—.”

“Bucky!” Alexander spoke over her. “Good to see you, my friend,” he exclaimed and Julia glanced between the two men in confusion, as they greeted one another with a familiarity that was usually reserved for close acquaintances. James’s smile equaled that of Alexander in brightness and she could not help but smile as a light ignited in his blue eyes.

As she watched them quickly catch up on the latest news, Carolina snuck up on her, and Julia was quick to hug her close, making sure to let her friend know how much she had missed her companionship. Carolina was a good five centimetres shorter than Julia and compared to Alexander she looked impossibly tiny and frail. Julia knew that it was only appearances, as she knew few people as strong-minded as Carolina. It was her spirit that Julia most admired. She stood her ground, adapted easily to new situations and she could counter Alexander in stubbornness.

“It is so good to see you,” Carolina returned the sentiments with a bright smile.

“Carolina, let me introduce you to Lord James Buchanan Barnes,” Alexander said as he guided the man towards his wife. “We went to school together.”

The short sentence had been enough to understand the situation, and soon enough, Julia remembered mentions of a Bucky on the weeks that her brother came home from his studies. She had simply never made the connection to James. Who would have, she wondered. After all, Bucky was a far cry from James.

The greetings on the front lawn had been happy, though short as Josephine soon ushered everyone inside for tea. And Julia relished in the stories her brother provided as they sipped their beverages. She understood once more what her elderly family member meant when he had mention the loss of calm. It had been a while since the sitting room had been quite as noisy—though she would not complain.

All too soon the moment ended, however, and the group split up. After given the newly arrived couple time to change out of their travelling clothes, everyone had business to attend too. Josephine went back to supervise the dinner preparation, James and Alexander locked themselves in the library, asking not to be disturbed, and Julia and Carolina went up to the rooms of the married couple—getting them situated.

***

Carolina was incredibly curious about James, having heard plenty of stories about the man. Apparently, Alexander often spoke highly of the camaraderie he shared with the gentleman. Her interest had also been sparked by the lack of information in Julia’s letters. Open as their relationship was, Carolina had expected to have heard more about the houseguest.

Julia truly did want to inform her, though she was hesitant. The interactions between her and James had been strained at the time of the letter, but they had improved ever so much since then—would she do James a disservice to speak ill of his earlier behaviour? Eventually she relented; her kind sister-in-law would not judge someone on old mistakes, nor would she share what was spoken to her in confidence.  
And so she told Carolina of his strange and sometimes rude behaviour upon his arrival and his subsequent apology to her mother. Julia also talked about witnessing the scolding of his valet, though she confessed not knowing the reason behind it, as well as the fact that it did seem that the valet, Peter, did not take the words to heart—his smiles hadn’t once faltered.

Julia went on to tell Carolina about their walks, how their conversation had slowly deepened and got more comfortable. She neglected to speak of her bold and improper questions during their first walk though. She also kept their last conversation to herself—it seemed too personal to share. She was also still trying to figure out how she had felt about emotions it had stirred in her. So she kept her recount more factual, even as she realised how she had come to like their walks, his company, and their conversations. It occurred to her that his presence had a calming effect on her, his smart mind alluring and the kindness he bestowed on her had been heartwarming. If only she could ignore the tension with her parents, he would have been quite the suitor.

She was so caught up in her own musings that she missed Carolina’s knowing smile. Carolina recognised the look on Julia’s face, but she knew that the younger woman might not be ready to recognise her feelings. James clearly intrigued Julia, in a good way.  
Carolina had felt similar upon meeting Alexander; she had wanted to know more of the man, know him. And when she had, she had fallen in love. Carolina wanted the same for Julia, because in her opinion, there was nothing more beautiful than love. 

Mentally shaking herself, Julia then continued to tell Carolina about her biggest worry; her father’s continuing illness and ensuing feverish rantings. She still didn’t know what to make of it and Carolina had not words of wisdom to share on the subject either. George had always been the picture of calm and poise. The rantings were out of character and it shook them both.

“It must have been the fever speaking,” Carolina said, wishing to comfort Julia. “He might’ve read a story that influenced his words.”

“Indeed, perhaps that was it.”Julia smiled, as eager to accept the explanation as Carolina had been to offer it.

To break the undeniably tense silence that followed, Carolina turned the conversation around—wishing to analyse exactly why James accompanied Julia on her daily walks, wanting to know precisely what words were spoken.

Julia grinned, spotting the teasing nature of Carolina’s questions and wanting to match it. Therefore she said that the walks were often spent in silence, which Carolina was unsurprisingly not willing to accept. She knew Julia too well, silence wasn’t something she did very often. Her mind was too quick-witted, and never at rest. Upon meeting someone new, she would have questions, wishing to know people and to understand their behaviour.

***

When the sky turned to shades of pink and orange, Julia made her way down the stairs in her second-best evening gown—with the large number of guests, she suddenly wished she had not worn her new blue gown on James’ arrival. It would have been a perfect fit for the night. The red dress was gorgeous in its own way, but in Julia’s opinion, it paled in comparison. The wide hoop skirt was certainly less comfortable. The wide neckline was similar, though the cut of the dress placed more attention on the waist—the lace applications deftly pointing towards it.  
Still, she was confident enough as she made her way down the stairs.

The company had expanded with the arrival of her cousin Clint and his wife Natasha, her uncle Lord Philip, and their neighbour Lord Brock Rumlow. As always, Lord Rumlow made a spectacle of greeting her, pretending to be far more familiar with the family than he was—Julia tried her best to be gracious, even though it made her uncomfortable. During the last dinner where Lord Rumlow had accompanied the family, he had worked tirelessly to charm Julia and Josephine, but it hadn’t felt right. Julia had not been able to truly explain it, but her mother had easily accepted it, choosing not to push Julia on the subject—for this Julia had been incredibly grateful.

Seated between James and Alexander, Julia spent much of dinner questioning James about her brother’s antics in school, and Alexander had jokingly threatened his friend to keep quiet. James in turn would lean close, telling her stories in hushed tones, pretending to break his promises of secrecy. Julia couldn’t remember when she had last laughed this often, and she was thoroughly enjoying herself. What really surprised her though, was the lighter side that James had chosen to portray. The tension so often visible in his shoulders seemed to have been lifted as he joked with Alexander and herself. She liked this side of him, he seemed gentler, kinder, and far more approachable.

“Lord Barnes, how are you enjoying your stay in the country?” The voice of Lord Rumlow boomed through the room, swiftly drawing the attention of the entire party.

James stopped his retelling of his first experience with Alexander’s stubbornness mid-sentence and stared at the man across from him. All conversation at the table stilled; people were curious about the visitor. The rest of the people in the room had known each other for years, some even their whole lives. It was to be expected that he would be questioned. James had prepared for it, so he placed a gentle smile on his face, ready to answer the myriad of questions that would likely follow.

“Quite well. It’s beautiful here, and Lord and Lady Fitzgerald have been very hospitable,” James replied. His voice was soft, gentle and calm.

Julia smiled at his kind words and looked at Lord Rumlow, expecting another question—she was surprised to see his smile turn into a glare. Apparently that had not been the answer he had wanted. Confused, she awaited what would be said next.

“Indeed, they are,” Lord Rumlow stated, offering a curt smile before adding, “And when will you be travelling onward?”

The tension that had dissipated from James’s body quickly returned at the impertinent question, and Julia suppressed a gasp while her heart skipped a beat. Her father’s knife clattered against his plate and everyone in the room fell silent. If either of her parents had asked the question, it would have been considered a thinly veiled attempt at telling him that he had overstayed his welcome. Lord Rumlow had no right to implicate this. Julia was just happy to know that her father had been bedridden and had not been in contact with their neighbours—this would ensure that this crudeness could not be blamed on her parents. Lord Rumlow knew the implications of his words—he had spoken them deliberately—and Julia wondered what the response would be.

A proper host would intervene and answer in lieu of their guest, reminding them that they were most welcome—and yet her father hesitated. Julia assumed that this was due to his recent illness—this was his first dinner since then. Therefore she glanced at her mother, only to see Josephine stare between George and Lord Rumlow with shock evident on her face. Perhaps her mother was too kind-hearted to react swiftly; she wouldn’t have anticipated such behaviour. Julia instantly knew that neither of her parents were ready to parry the implication.

“Not for a while yet, we hope.” Julia spoke, too eager to come to James’ aide to consider her words. “We’ve quite enjoyed his company.”

Next to her Alexander cleared his throat—the sound was surprisingly similar to a repressed chuckle and Julia’s eyes grew wide as she realised the implications of her words. From her mother it could’ve been seen as a compliment to his character. From her, it could also be interpreted as a confirmation of their courting. It was not what she had meant, and she had not wanted to put James in the position it put him in.  
Lord Rumlow’s eyes darkened as he regarded her and her breath got stuck in her throat.

“Indeed, we have,” Josephine agreed with her daughter, eager to assist in defending their guest.

“As have I.” James smiled kindly at Josephine. His shoulders relaxed a little bit and he leaned back in his chair as his gaze returned to Lord Rumlow across from him. Julia admired his rapid change in attitude, she wished she could have followed it—but her shoulder remained incredibly tense.

The silence that followed those words lasted mere moments, though it felt much longer and the tension was so thick, Julia could almost cut it with a knife. She struggled to find a subject to break the silence and hoped that someone else would quickly do it.

“James, could you perhaps tell me more about your home? I’ve heard such wonderful stories of its beauty,” Carolina finally asked, a sweet smile planted on her kind face.

Relieved, Julia let out the breath she had been holding, the tension finally easing in her shoulders as Carolina quickly eased the conversation into clearer waters. The air soon seemed lighter again as her question prompted several more and conversation flowed freely once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Philip had a surprise at the end of dinner and Julia can hardly contain her excitement. Not even the strange behaviour of Lord Rumlow can change that.

That night, as exhaustion drew her under, Julia’s nightmares remained at bay and she woke in the morning with a smile on her face. She could hardly remember her last peaceful night, and she knew that she could only attribute it to the arrival of her darling brother. Alexander’s visit had instilled her with a new sense of safety, and happiness, and she felt completely reinvigorated. Until yesterday, she had not been fully aware of the unease in her body, or the notion that her nightmares could have an origin in her worries; not until James had suggested it. And she knew she would have to face those worries and work through them, in order to have more restful nights in the future—because not even her brother could keep them at bay forever. There was just one big issue she faced in the endeavour to challenge her worries; she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had rattled her. There was the issue of her parents acting differently, her father becoming ill, and of course, James had been rather difficult to read at first. But had any of that really been the cause of her nightmares?

Over the weeks since James’s arrival, she’d gotten to know him better, and because of this, he was becoming a tad easier to understand. Though she was not fooled; there was still quite a lot she did not know about this man. At the same time, her father’s illness seemed to be receding, which should calm her nerves—however, the length of time in which he had been bedridden still worried her. And she knew not what had brought him down in the first place. And neither of those actions informed her why her parents had been acting differently lately. Julia could only hope that this would pass, or that her brother would be able to help her assess the situation.

The arrival of James had thrown her mother for a loop, and Julia was now certain that her father had neglected to inform her of their visitor until the morning of his arrival. This was out of character for her father, he spoke very openly with his wife and kept her informed of his dealings. Usually.  
Julia considered that perhaps she had been overanalysing. Her father might’ve forgotten to mention it to his wife if his health was already waning at the time. And her mother had covered for the slip-up rather well, hosting a dinner to welcome their guest.

It was possible that Julia’s mind had simply been playing tricks on her, because she had not been in the know.

Finally accepting this as a possible explanation, Julie got out of bed and rang for Mary to help her get ready for the day. Mary was quick to answer, relaying a message from James; he was unable to join her for a walk that morning. Apparently, there was business to be discussed with her father and brother instead. James had expressed the hope to seek out her presence at a later moment.

Julia was surprised by the disappointment that flooded her upon hearing this—she had come to enjoy their daily walks. She’d come to enjoy his company far more than she had previously thought possible. Still intent on having the exercise, Julia decided to walk into town on her own. Therefore, after breakfast, she went to retrieve her coat—there was a strong wind and a chill in the air. However, before she could put the coat on, Carolina stopped her.

“Are you taking a walk?” Carolina asked her and Julia nodded, happily inviting her to come along.

“I would love to, would you mind terribly to wait while I change my dress?” Carolina asked, looking down at her peach coloured frock.

“Indeed, I would gladly wait. I’ll be in the library,” Julia offered, her smile still bright and she moved to large wooden doors that led to the book-filled room. Grabbing a random book off a shelf, Julia sat down in a comfortable chair that offered her a view of the staircase.

When Carolina returned, Julia barely took the time to return her book to its rightful place as she bolted out of the library. There was no conversation about their direction as they quickly moved towards the small town—they had a good reason to shop and though unplanned, they felt no need to delay their shopping trip.

Their reason was exciting; a ball. An impromptu ball in fact, thrown by Julia’s uncle. During dinner the night before he had deemed it silly to ignore the opportunity that so many guests in the area provided. It wouldn’t be as extravagant as months of planning would’ve given them, but with the help of Clint and Natalia, he had been convinced that it would be a wonderful event. Everyone at the table had happily agreed; it had been so long since there’d been a ball in the area.

Julia’d had trouble containing her excitement, for she could’ve hugged her uncle for the wonderful idea. Dinners were quite frequent, but balls were not in these parts of the country. Most families came to the country to recharge from the demands at court, where balls were more numerous. However, since her parents had decided to remain in the country, Julia had not been able to enjoy many balls at all since she had come of age. She could hardly wait to dance and talk and laugh.

And now she could share her enthusiasm with Carolina as they considered fabrics and ribbons for the event. It always surprised Julia how much a dress could be changed with a few alterations, and with no time to order a new dress, it was all she could do to look her best.

Therefore they strolled through town, glancing into the shop windows and assessing shoes, ribbons and fabrics. All the while the women happily discussed which dresses they could choose for the time-consuming endeavour—they’d be spending most of their time making their alterations.

“Carolina, may I ask you something?” Julia asked a while later, as they made their way back home, happy with their purchases.

“My dear Julia, you may always ask me anything,” Carolina answered kindly, her voice soft and her lips pulled up in a smile. Julia didn’t doubt her answer to be true. Carolina was gentle and kind, whereas she herself had proven herself to be crass at times, with a knack for imprudent questions. Julia had often been jealous of Carolina’s softer nature and wished to be more like her, but she just couldn’t seem to make it happen. Eventually, she had accepted her own shortcomings and embraced the friendship the other woman offered, in hopes that perhaps she’d pick up some of her habits over time.

“Do you happen to know why Alexander got angry with Father last night?” Julia wrung her hands as she spoke the words, afraid to offend Carolina, but she was too curious not to ask.

After dinner, when their guests had left, Alexander had asked George to speak with him. They’d gone into another room and shouting erupted shortly after. Julia hadn’t known her brother to ever raise his voice to anyone, and upon seeing Carolina’s shocked expression, apparently, that still wasn’t something he did. Her brother liked to laugh, loudly and often, and he spoke passionately about subjects that mattered to him. But he didn’t raise his voice and he never yelled. He most certainly never raised his voice to their parents.

“He would not tell me,” Carolina confessed. “Not yet, he said.”

To be fair, it wouldn’t be considered proper to share the conversations with her husband. However, Carolina had always known that Alexander was very open with Julia. And anything that was told to Julia never went beyond her either. Nothing mattered more to her than loyalty. It was a quality she and Carolina shared. 

“I hope they fix it. I do not like to see them argue,” Julia said softly, carefully watching her steps and avoiding Carolina’s gaze.

With a sigh and a sympathetic smile on her lips, Carolina stopped walking, placing a gentle hand on Julia’s arm to halt her steps. Julia kept her gaze on the ground and Carolina gently took her cheek in hand to make her look up. She offered Julia another smile and rubbed her arms in a comforting manner. Julia returned the smile halfheartedly. 

“Do not worry your pretty head over it, Julia, Alexander would not want that,” Carolina said. “I am certain he will not leave before all is well.”

“In that case, I hope it will take a long time,” Julia tried to joke and Carolina chuckled, before kissing Julia’s cheek.

Julia knew that Carolina was correct of course; Alexander rarely argued with people, but when he did, he would never leave on bad terms—even if the parties involved could not find common ground. However, this was what worried Julia most; what if they would not find common ground?

“Everything will be fine, I promise. I won’t have it any other way,” Carolina added as the frown on Julia’s face grew a little deeper. Julia realised that Carolina was trying to console and she offered a weak smile in appreciation of the effort. 

****

When the day of the ball arrived, Julia was so giddy with excitement that she had barely gotten any sleep at all. She was even the first one down for breakfast, beating her brother, which she couldn’t remember ever happening. Alexander had boundless energy and never seemed to need quite as much sleep as others. He chuckled when he walked into the dining room a short time later and found his little sister sitting at the table—her feet bouncing with restless energy.

“My dear sister, I would have thought you’d be sleeping in today,” Alexander said as he sat down and was quickly offered a cup of tea by the young footman Charlie.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Julia answered honestly, her lips spread in a bright smile.

“Do conserve your energy. You wouldn’t want to be tired by the time the ball is in full swing,” Alexander said with a wink, before sipping his tea.

“I’ll try,” she chuckled, before taking a small bite of her breakfast. She wasn’t very hungry, but she knew she’d have little time to eat later on, as there were still some small alterations to be done to her dress. Not that she cared; she was happy for the work. Or better said, happy for the reason. She could hardly wait for the feast to begin and to be able to tire her feet with dancing. She had already decided to dance the whole night through if she could, accepting offers from anyone—no man would be exempt.

Of course, she also wanted to spend some time speaking with Natalia, for she had missed the woman, and writing letters did not suffice in closing the distance, not entirely. However, she had also been thinking of planning another visit to their home so she could play with the twins as well. Her time spent in their home after the children were born had been such a wonderful time, and she would not mind repeating it. And since Natalia had spoken of such plans as well, she knew that there would be no objections.

When Julia had finished her breakfast, she kissed her mother's cheek affectionately and rushed out of the room, nearly bumping into James on her way up. She uttered a quick apology and raced to her room—she didn’t want to waste any time.

James chuckled as he watched her run up the stairs; her excitement was rather appealing. He wished he felt it too. Unfortunately, he still had business to attend too and it wasn’t all too pretty.

He knew that Julia would find out what was going on all too soon, and he wasn’t entirely certain that he wanted her too. She was happy, content with her life, and he wished for her to stay that way. Still, he couldn’t ignore the things that needed to be done, and he could only hope that she would understand eventually.

James was a little disappointed in himself; he’d not been as stern as he had promised upon arriving. He had allowed the lies to fester—he even allowed himself to get involved in them. That had never been the plan; he prided himself on his honesty. However, looking at Julia’s innocence and her good, kindhearted nature had made it difficult to maintain his business-like manner. He had wanted to shield her, protect her.

He realised that it would’ve been far less complicated if he hadn’t stayed quite as long as he had. If he had not gotten close to Julia. With a sigh, he continued his way to the office that lay across from the library. Alexander and George would soon join him there, and then decisions would finally be made. And Julia might not be left in the dark for much longer.

***

As the carriage pulled up the drive of Uncle Philip’s manor, Julia smiled brightly at the hustle and bustle that greeted them there. She greatly enjoyed the commotion, and since she hadn’t been to very many balls in her life, she was excited to experience one now. As she took in the decorations that lined the drive she could clearly tell that the family had made a proper effort to shower their guests in luxury, no holds barred. There were beautiful lanterns to light the way towards the manor and garlands on the fences with flowers deftly placed in between the decoration, giving it a festive sense. The house itself had ribbons and flowers placed tastefully on the doors and window sills, which looked amazing with all the lights inside brightly lit.

James took in her glee with a sense of contentment, glad to be a witness to her unbridled joy. For a moment he wished he could keep hold of this happiness for her forever. He shook the thought quickly though, intent to figure out where he stood before he did anything to make her expect anything from him.

When they were nearly at the front door, Julia leaned back in her seat and looked at the other occupants of the coach. Alexander was seated next to her, and Carolina across from him next to James. Everyone looked stunning, and the smiles certainly showed that they were all looking forward to a night of dancing. She could see the excitement bouncing off Carolina’s feet as she now leaned forward in her seat to take in the decorations.

As the chaise reached the porch, valets quickly stepped off the deck to offer them a hand getting out, but Alexander was quick to wave off their assistance. He graciously thanked them for the offer, then stepped out gracefully and reached inside to help his wife. His hands on her waist, he easily swooped her up and placed her gently on her feet. She giggled as he did so, then placed her hand in the crook of his arm, allowing him to lead her inside. Alexander looked back briefly, winking mischievously at his little sister, before escorting Carolina to the large, open double doors of the decorated manor. Understanding the not-so-subtle hint of his friend, James scrambled to follow his example. He exited the carriage and offered Julia his hand as she stepped out, using the short steps that the valets had already placed underneath the coach. She smiled kindly as she accepted his offer.

The moment their hands touched, Julia wondered if she should have been so eager to accept however. A shockwave ran through her entire body at the contact, and she inhaled sharply. It dawned on her that there had been very little actual skin on skin contact between the two, despite his lengthy stay at her house. Not since their first meeting in fact, and she pondered for a moment when the atmosphere between them had begun to change. She really couldn’t pinpoint the day. Almost like it had happened slowly, until she was completely swept up in it.

With a shaky breath, she shyly glanced up at James through her lashes, wondering if he had felt the same shock. Greeting her was the most intense gaze she had ever seen in those blue eyes, and she took a deep breath as she held his stare a moment longer, admiring the storm that presented itself inside those baby blues.

Julia wondered what it would be like to spend a lifetime staring into the depths of his eyes. She even foolishly allowed herself to imagine a kiss from his full lips, before taking another deep breath in and returning her attention to the present—confused as she was with her own train of thoughts. She hadn’t before thought of kissing him and she wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. She had been enjoying his company, that much was clear, but was she making a fool of herself to imagine more?

James appeared equally entranced; the spell only broke when the steps were removed and the coach followed directions to the stables, where the horses could rest and the driver could have a drink.

“Have I told you already how beautiful you look?” James’s voice firmly placed her back in the now, and she offered him a smile. Her cheeks heated up slightly, and she just hoped he would assume it part of the excitement of the evening and not that it was based on any untoward thoughts.

“Thank you,” she said. “You are too kind.”

“Could I be so bold to ask for a dance tonight?” James added as he offered his arm and escorted her towards the door, following her brother and his wife.

“You may, I shall hold a spot for you,” Julia answered with a smile, surprised at the flutter in her heart that erupted upon hearing the question.

“I am delighted,’ he replied with a smile, rather pleased with himself.

They entered the manor and their conversation halted as they took in the beauty around them. Julia had been to the house many times before, but the colourful flower arrangements placed on nearly every flat surface certainly brought a new ambiance to the place. It brightened up the well-lit hall, neatly creating a pathway towards the ballroom, where other guests had already gathered.

Julia glanced around in the growing crowd, noticing a beautiful Asian woman in a stunning shimmering gown; it almost appeared silver. She realised she’d never seen the woman before and made a mental note to inquire with Natalia who it was—she certainly was a striking appearance and Julia’s curiosity was piqued. Then Julia found her uncle, greeting his guests near the entrance of the ballroom, and with a smile, she approached him, her hand still safely tucked in the crook of James’s arm. They both took a moment to thank him for inviting them and congratulating him on a grand affair. Philip was quick to correct their assumption that it was of his hand; according to his humble opinion, only the idea had been his. The organisation was completely the work of Natalia, and he was very proud of all that she had accomplished in such a short amount of time. Julia could only agree; she must have worked very hard to pull it off.

As more guests came in behind them, Julia excused herself and expressed her desire to find Natalia—James was more than happy to accompany her.

An hour or so later, Julia found herself dancing a fourth time, with a fourth man. She was elated, though quickly tiring and when the music quieted down, she excused herself to get some refreshments. Before she got far, James greeted her with a glass of wine, which she gratefully accepted as he gently guided her to where her brother and Carolina were already standing. It was in a corner of the room near an open window, and Julia was happy for the chilly breeze that wafted through it. The fan around her wrist was no longer sufficient to cool down.

“Are you enjoying yourself, sister?” Alexander asked as he took in her heated features.

“Oh, indeed I am. I do love dancing,” Julia answered honestly, unable to temper her enthusiasm, and her brother chuckled. He would never ask anyone to show more poise on such happy occasions.

“I do hope they play another waltz soon,” Carolina said with a smile and Julia nodded in agreement.

“Excuse me,” interrupted the voice of Philip, and the group turned towards the man almost simultaneously. He was making his way toward them with the beautiful woman from earlier on his arm. Julia’s interest was instantly piqued again, still eager to know who the woman was.

Upon closer inspection her dress was multi-coloured and only the top layer held that silvery hue. Underneath it were several layers in different colours, with a bright blue sash holding it together. Though very different from English wear, it was stunning, and Julia fought the urge to ask her more about it—they had not even been introduced.

“May I introduce you to Lady Ming-Na Huang,” Philip said as they came to a stop before the small group. “Ming-Na, this is my niece Julia, my nephew Alexander and his wife Carolina, and Lord Barnes,” he continued, pointing out the four as he introduced them.

“We’ve met before—good to see you again, my lady,” James said and took Ming-Na’s hand to kiss the back of it. He smiled warmly at the woman and she returned it. This made Julia even more curious about the stranger.

“It is good to see you again as well James. I hope you’ve been well” Ming-Na said, voice soft but clear, her accent adding a melodious tone to the words.

“Yes, I have. I must say I didn’t expect to see you here, out in the country,” James said frankly and Ming-Na smiled wider now, clearly understanding his sentiment.

“Philip persuaded me to visit this beautiful area,” she explained and Philip beamed beside her, clearly happy that he had managed to do so.

“Lady Ming-Na is the daughter of a Chinese diplomat that is residing at the palace,” Philip said to the other three and Julia was instantly intrigued—she would love to travel, though she had only ever seen Kent and London in her life. Still, she controlled herself, she didn’t want to bombard the woman with questions. Not when her uncle seemed eager to introduce her to everyone.

“I do say, he seems quite smitten,” Alexander said as the two walked over to the next group of people and Carolina smiled as she agreed with her husband.

“She seemed fascinating,” Julia said softly, her eyes bright as she watched the couple walk away.

“She is. And very kind,” James said with a smile.

Then their conversation was interrupted once more by the announcement that a waltz would soon start. Eager to enjoy themselves, the men took the women onto the dance floor.  
James took Julia’s hand in his larger one and placed his other hand carefully on her waist. And with another sharp intake of breath, Julia allowed him to to lead her through the room.

***

The ground floor of the manor was filled to the brim with people from all over the county, and Julia felt giddy as she walked amongst them. She had just spent another hour dancing the night away before excusing herself. She wanted to explore and see more of the decorations that Natalia had so carefully picked. The manor itself might have been familiar to her—she’d spent quite some time here as a child—but, the current state of it had a new vigour to it that was thoroughly enjoyable. Her smile had yet to leave her face, and she greeted everyone she encountered with a brightness that prompted people to return her happy salute.

It wasn’t until she was finally halted in her expedition by Lord Rumlow that her brightness dimmed slightly, and even then it was only marginally so. There was something different about her neighbour this evening, and though she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, it put her a little on edge.

His inquiry for a dance was polite enough, and she wouldn’t have known how to decline it in a civil manner, so she agreed—offering a smile for good measure. Therefore it surprised her to feel an anger radiating from him, an anger that strangely seemed to be directed at her.

She feared for a moment that she might have accidentally slighted him, though she could not think of a single moment that could’ve been misinterpreted. Finally she wondered if perhaps she had not seen him upon passing that evening, though he had assured her that he had only just arrived. Considering that it was rather impolite to arrive this late, Julia then thought that perhaps he had been caught up in some business dealings that had soured his mood. And if this was the case, the perceived anger towards her was merely a trick of her imagination—this was her preferred reasoning.

Since he only sparingly answered her questions during their dance, Julia eventually decided to let the issue rest. She must have been mistaken. Instead, she focussed on remembering the steps to the dance, while expertly avoiding the repulsion that his hands on her waist created.

Lord Rumlow remained quiet, seemingly unable to continue any of the conversation she had tried to start. She’d commented on so many things that she too was now struggling to find words to say; she’d acknowledged the number of couples that were dancing, the weather and the size of the room, but his noncommittal responses had quickly stumped her efforts. It wasn’t until the dance was nearing its end that he finally decided to contribute to the conversation. And the words he chose confused her even more than his silence had.

“Is it true that Lord Barnes has been courting you?” Lord Rumlow asked as the dance required him to spin a circle around her. Shocked, Julia remained quiet as the dance separated them for a single moment. Her movements were automatic and possibly a little stunted until he was beside her again.

“Lord Rumlow,” she chastised him, unsure how to answer such an impertinent question.

“He seemed rather happy to escort you in,” Lord Rumlow said, “but you should be wary of his intentions. He is not quite as honourable as one might think.”

“Indeed he is honourable,” Julia said, before pulling back from the man before her. “I think I shall now rest my feet. Good night, Lord Rumlow,” she added, a finality to her tone that made it decidedly clear that the conversation was in fact over. His hand grasped for her wrist, and she had to pull harshly for him to release his grip; he wouldn’t want to cause a scene in the house of her uncle. For this, she was grateful, as she rubbed the tender skin and left the ballroom in a pace that would not garner too much attention.

When she had put enough distance between herself and her neighbour, she picked up speed. Julia made her way to the double open doors that would lead her to the garden, and on the way she reached for a glass of wine from one of the servers. She needed to recover from the rude behaviour that Lord Rumlow had shown her, behaviour he had never shown before, and she hoped that the cool air and the wine would accomplish just that.

She took a deep breath as she stepped through the door and admired the view before her. The sun had fully set by now and the moon stood high in the sky, casting a pale blue hue on the multitude of white flowers that were there. She’d never quite understood why her uncle preferred the colour white in his garden, until now. It truly was a breathtaking sight, especially from the elevated porch that she stood on. To her left were the steps that would allow her to enter the garden, but she remained where she was, leaning against the banister.

Sipping the glass of wine, she pondered the events that had brought her there, and she couldn’t quite understand what had happened. Or better said, what had gotten into her neighbour.

She had known him nearly all her life, and he had never been anything but polite. And though she had never quite felt the same affection that he seemingly had for her, she had never disliked him. His behaviour was most unexpected. As unexpected as his crude questions during the dinner her parents had invited him to.

She shivered in the cool evening air and realised that her shawl was still inside, discarded on a chair when the dancing had made her warm. Still, she made no move to go inside—not only did she not want to risk crossing paths with Lord Rumlow, she wanted to appreciate the change in the weather as well. The arrival of fall had finally cleared away the final remnants of the summer heat, and she could smell the coming rain in the air. All she could hope for was that it would not fall until after the ball. The ballroom was sweltering enough as it was and the damp would only make it worse.

“I’ve been looking for you,” James’s voice sounded from behind her, and she could not help but smile at the sound. Remaining where she was, she glanced over her shoulder to greet him and found him holding her shawl.

“I worried that you might be cold,” he spoke softly, draping the fabric over her shoulders and moving to stand beside her.

“I was, thank you.” His thoughtfulness touched her heart.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked then, and she didn’t want to offer him the truth, thinking it too complicated to explain.

“I was in dire need of fresh air,” she said instead, offering him another smile. “Isn’t the garden beautiful?” she added a moment later, almost as an afterthought—though she hoped it would cease any further questions. She wasn’t ready to tell anyone, let alone him, about the actions that had rattled her.

“The moon baths the garden in a beautiful light,” James said, unconsciously agreeing with her. She nodded in answer and relaxed her shoulders, enjoying his comforting company.

“I was wondering if perhaps there was room for one more dance,” James asked after a few more minutes of comfortable silence, and again Julia felt a flutter in her stomach. She couldn’t repress the smile as she agreed and let him lead her back into the ballroom, just as another dance was announced. Quickly taking their place in the line, they shared another smile, before moving in sync with the other couples. Glancing to the side, Julia noticed Natalia and Clint were amongst them, and she and Natalia shared a warm smile before turning back to their partners.

“Have you encountered Lord Rumlow before?” Julia asked when they spun around one another.

“No, not that I recall. May I ask why?” James asked, slightly confused by the question.

“I don’t mean to pry. It just appeared to me that he knew you,” Julia said.

“Perhaps he was acquainted with my father.” James shrugged, not giving the subject too much thought and thereby convincing her that he was being truthful with her. She had long ago realised that people who lied tended to make a more elaborate explanation.

“Perhaps indeed,” Julia agreed, as she searched her mind for a change of subject.

“I haven’t seen you dancing much tonight,” Julia finally said, hoping to spark something.

“I was waiting for you,” James offered with a smile, and that intense look that she had seen earlier that evening was back in his piercing eyes. Her breath hitched once more, and she wondered again if she was reading too much into his words, or if he was as affected as she was.

“Is there nobody else that caught your attention?” she pried carefully and he laughed, a deep rumbling sound that she decided she liked very much.

“Not particularly, no—everyone simply pales in comparison,” James answered, much less discreetly, and Julia felt a blush creep up her neck and cheeks.

“You are too kind, James,” she shyly said, looking up at him through her eyelashes again.

“Only honest, my dear,” he whispered, and she wondered if her heated cheeks would ever cool in his presence. Certainly not if he kept up with the compliments. She felt a tad silly by how much he affected her.

When the dance ended, James took Julia’s hand in his and escorted her out of the ballroom and towards the adjoining room, where the refreshments were held. Along the walls were comfortable chairs, and Julia looked at them longingly; she’d been on her feet since they had arrived. James quickly took notice of her drifting attention and hastily found her a vacant seat, before promising to get her some delicious foods.

Julia smiled as she watched him walk away, wondering if he knew that getting her food had implications all on its own. She was certain he knew, and suddenly she realised that he had in fact been courting her. All the walks he joined her on, all the silent rainy afternoons spent in the library and his willingness to hear her opinion—it had a purpose.

How could she have been so blind?

It didn’t matter much, for she had already decided that she quite liked it. Though she had to communicate that to him. After all, she’d been unaware and therefore most likely not encouraging enough. She was lucky that he hadn’t given up on her yet.

There were plenty of other young women in the surrounding area—he could’ve pursued any one of them, especially since he did not have to worry about such things like wealth. He had enough to last him several lifetimes.

She thought of the beautiful Elena that lived near the village. Julia had introduced them weeks ago and the woman had taken a quick interest in James.

Or the sweet Delilah, that they’d seen only a fortnight ago and who was very amicable. Delilah had entranced more than one man with her kindness and demure attitude. Julia was certainly not demure. How close had she come to missing out on James? How close had others been to capturing his attention?

Of course most young, single women were in attendance tonight as well, and he had decided not to dance with them—only choosing Carolina and Julia herself as his partners instead. That thought gave her some ease and she relaxed in her seat, just as James returned. He handed her a plate and she was surprised to find it filled with some of her favourite things. She smiled, thanking him, realising just how much attention he had been giving her.

Wrapped up in her thoughts, while James procured a small table to place in front of her, Julia barely noticed that someone approached her. Not until Natalia sat down beside her, bumping her shoulder in the process. Julia jumped slightly, causing Natalia to laugh at her. The beautiful redhead was a little out of breath and she leaned back in her chair, a bright smile plastered on her face.

“Your brother has boundless energy, did you know?” Natalia chuckled, opening the fan that had been tied around her wrist and waving some cool air in her face with it.

“How could anyone miss that,” Julia exclaimed laughing, glancing up at James and finding his eyes already upon her. He smiled, before telling her he would get them both something to drink.

“Did I see him bring you food?” Natalia whispered, leaning over and covering her mouth with the fan to keep others from catching her words.

“I needed to rest my feet,” Julia said and Natalia smirked. It wasn’t something she had seen on the woman very often, but it spoke volumes.

“Indeed.” Natalia giggled, then patted Julia’s hand in a friendly manner. Julia blushed and wondered who else had seen their interactions. She was certain that, after tonight, everyone would assume that James was on his way to marry her. And Julia could only hope that this was true, for she would surely be humiliated if he had no such intentions.


	7. Chapter 7

_She was walking faster and faster, yet it was getting her nowhere. The door in front of her was as far away as it had been the entire time. Fear was gripping at her heart and she felt an immense urgency to reach that door before her. Why? Julia couldn’t really tell—but she recognised the hallway she was in as the one leading to her parents bedroom, and the door must have been theirs. She couldn’t remember how she had gotten here, nor what had brought her in the first place; she just knew that there was danger afoot. In particular, her father was in danger. Again no valid arguments, though it seemed abundantly clear to Julia nonetheless._

_“Father!” she called out, but got no reply. She tried to run to the door, but found that the rug beneath her was simply piling up behind her and she was still not getting any closer._

_Stopping for a moment she realised that, aside from her heavy breathing, there wasn’t a sound around. That was strange. It was the middle of the day; there should’ve been people out and about, but she appeared to be entirely alone._

_Or was she?_

_“He’ll be okay, Julia. I promise. There is nothing you can do for him now.” James’ voice sounded from behind her, and she turned quickly. She was greeted by piles upon piles of rug—at least twice her height. He was behind them, she was certain—his voice was close by._

_“James?!” she called out, stepping to the pile and realising it was solid, like stone._

_“I’m here,” he replied, still close even if she could not see him._

_Julia grabbed the hem of her wide skirt and bundled it up to free her feet as she began to climb towards the sound of James’s voice. She wasn’t getting any closer to the door, but perhaps James would be able to answer her questions. The climb seemed endless, though her panting barely increased, as if she had suddenly found a power, an endurance she had never known existed. Reaching the top, she could finally see James standing at the bottom of the pile. A pile which somehow had gotten three times as high. Her feet slipped and she quickly dropped to her knees, the long drop to the bottom making her shiver._

_“What is going on?” Julia asked nobody in particular, though James was the only one in the vicinity to answer. He didn’t say a word though. He simply offered her that sweet smile of his, while he stared at her with the same intensity as he had the night of the ball. She hoped it was love.“James, I’m scared,” she said, her voice suddenly much smaller as fear tightened her throat._

_“Don’t be. I’m here! I’ll always be here,” he promised and she really wanted to believe him. She wanted to put all her faith in him._

_With that realisation, Julia stood up, carefully taking small steps down the enormous pile of solid rugs. She slipped a few times, desperately grabbing at any edge she could find, just to keep herself upright. She managed to keep from falling, though her hands were now full of dirt and blood. Apparently this wasn’t a pile of rugs anymore. Exhaustion pulled at her tired limbs, but she persevered—walking until she was ready to give up altogether. That was when James’s voice reached her ears again.“Julia, I’m right here!”_

_“Help,” she called back to him, feeling weak and helpless._

_She reached out to him, arms outspread, wanting him to hold her or catch her perhaps. But James wasn’t moving; he stood in the exact same position—unmoving. Julia was so exhausted though, too exhausted to go on. She kept reaching for James as her feet slipped again, and this time she could not stop herself from falling.  
She screamed as her world turned black. _

*

“Miss! Are you all right?” Mary asked as Julia sat up in her bed with a start, cold sweat clinging to her skin.

Julia felt out of breath and slightly confused as she met the kind, worried face of her oldest friend. Placing a hand over her heart, she found it beating rapidly, and she took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself. Flashes of her nightmare came to her, and she closed her eyes momentarily to banish them from her thoughts. She’d had nightmares before, strange ones, frightening ones, but this one really seemed to take the cake.

“My apologies, Mary. Have I given you a fright?” Julia asked, forcing herself to smile as her heartbeat returned to a normal pace. She opened her eyes slowly, seeing Mary still staring at her.

“I came to wake you, but then you screamed,” Mary explained, as she finally moved again and fetched some water to dab on Julia’s face—a gesture for which Julia was very grateful.

“I’m sorry, Mary. I must have been having a bad dream. I’m better now.”

“Would you like me to draw you a bath?” Mary offered, and Julia readily accepted. It would give her some time to gather her thoughts before she faced anyone else.

Julia had an inclination of where her anxiety came from, though it didn’t appear to have much to do with the events of her dream. Either way, she needed a little more time to gather her thoughts before going downstairs. Her mother would want to talk about the ball; she’d want to hear what Julia’s favourite parts of the night were, and her favourite dance. She might even ask who her favourite dance partner was—mostly because she had found the answer to it already and needed the confirmation. Julia had barely spoken to her parents at the ball, and they would want to know everything she had experienced. And since they would most likely have seen her smiling bright for most of the night, these were normal questions for a parent to ask their child.

She was certain, however, that her parents had missed the moment that had given her such anxiety to induce a nightmare. She was intent on keeping them ignorant of that fact. It would do them no good to share the fear she had momentarily felt. She would discuss it with Natalia first. She would know what to do.

Julia took the cloth that Mary had used to dab her face and took it to her neck. The cold sweat finally seemed to be retreating. Stepping out of the bed, she walked towards the bathroom attached to her room. Long ago it had been a dressing room, but when bathrooms had become a regularity, Julia’s grandparents had made the choice to place it in the dressing room. All these years later, Julia was grateful for the choice they made. Though, as she watched Charlie lugging buckets of water, she could only hope that her parents would continue the remodelling and modernising and include indoor plumbing. They were modern people — this should be a modern house, should it not?When the bath was fully ready, she thanked Mary and Charlie profusely before gently shooing them out of the room and stepping into the warm water. A deep sigh escaped her as she lowered herself in the water and the steam rose up around her. Her hair had been expertly braided before bed and was now rolled up on her head to keep it from getting wet. It gave Julia the freedom to lean her head back, and she made a conscious effort to relax her body.

Her feet were still a little sore from all the dancing, and she smiled at the memory of her dances with James. She’d been nervous around him all of the sudden, and she had struggled to understand why, until her conversation with Natalia. She and James had never spoken of their intentions. Their walks, their conversations—they had all happened in such an organic manner that neither of them had ever stopped to think of it. However, Julia could not deny that, slowly but surely, it had gone from regular interactions with a guest to something akin to courting.

Eventually she would have to ask James if this was what he wanted. A conversation was necessary, for her heart was in the game, and she needed to know where they stood. For now though, she was intent on dreamily remembering their night and telling herself it was in fact a romantic connection that had grown between them.

Unfortunately for Julia, the night hadn’t been all fun. Lord Rumlow had been acting rather peculiarly improper. He had been most forceful in their conversations, and Julia had not liked it one bit. After their dance, she had escaped and found James, who had quickly been able to sooth her worries—even without knowing the full extent of them. But Lord Rumlow had quickly shown her that James could not always be around.It had happened near the end of the night, when Natalia and Julia had taken a stroll around the manor to admire the hard work that Natalia had put into the decorations. The men had gathered in the drawing room where they were having a smoke while the band was taking a short break—they were joined by virtually every other man at the ball. At least one had slipped their notice though.

When one of the maids had come for Natalia with some questions and Natalia had followed her to another room, Lord Rumlow had been there to corner Julia.

_“Julia, I must confess that our conversation wasn’t as I had hoped it would be,” he had started, and Julia had nodded, unsure what she could say. It certainly hadn’t been anything she had expected to happen._

_“I apologise. I only meant to warn you,” Lord Rumlow spoke softly, glancing around. Probably to make sure there would be no eavesdropping. _

_The gesture made Julia nervous. “For Lord Barnes?” she asked to clarify, “Who has been nothing but a gentleman, even in the face of your imprudent questions the other night?”_

_“You should ask him about his business with your father,” Lord Rumlow said. He spoke harshly, his patience clearly wearing thin. _

_“I shan’t. Now please, I must find Natalia,” Julia said, her voice steady and strong, despite her nerves. She’d always been a tad wary of her neighbour. Always felt an almost imperceptible anger radiating from him, simmering just underneath the surface. There wasn’t enough horsepower in the world to make her spend time alone with this man, she thought as she scurried away in search of anyone to cling to for company. _

***

“I was hoping we could go for a ride today,” James said softly once they were seated at the dining room table. It appeared that Julia hadn’t been the only one with a slow start of the day, and instead of having food sent to their rooms, her parents had decided to make an elaborate early lunch. Or a late breakfast. “It would be preferable to a walk as my feet might need some more time to recover from all the dancing,” Julia answered with a smile.

“As do mine, and I only danced a fraction of what you did,” James grinned.

“That’s because you only danced with Carolina and me,” Julia teased and James smiled back.

“I could’ve easily done without Carolina’s superb dancing.” James stared into her eyes as he spoke, and Julia could feel a flutter in her belly. Was she wrong to think that perhaps he had noticed the change between them as well? If so, he certainly didn’t appear to be pulling away.

“And accept only my mediocre dancing?” Julia asked, teasing tone still in her voice.

“My dearest Julia, your dancing was perfection,” James insisted and Julia felt her cheeks heating in a blush.

“What are you whispering about, little sister?” Alexander asked, smiling brightly as Julia scowled at him. She should’ve known that her brother would stick his nose in her business now that he was here. And since the men had agreed on no business today, he had plenty of time to satisfy his curiosity. She couldn’t really blame him—they’d never been apart as long as they had been since his marriage, and while Carolina was a faithful penpal, he was not. Alexander often forgot to send a letter and sometimes to even write a reply. Julia loved him dearly, but he was a tad scattered at times, much like their father in a way.

“We were discussing the possibility of a little outing today,” James answered for her.

“An outing?” Carolina asked excitedly. “Like a walk?” She had known of the daily walks James and Julia took and had already expressed that she wished to be a fly on the wall for those—this would offer her a front row seat. Of course the conversations would be a tad different with Carolina there.

“Our poor feet might need some rest before we can return to our daily walks, so perhaps on horseback instead,” James said with a smile. He had hoped to spend some time alone with Julia to talk, but it wasn’t in him to be rude in the face of all the kindness that Carolina showed. He also didn’t think Alexander would let up on his curiosity about their interactions. He’d made several inquiries with James already. He had wanted to know James’s intentions with his little sister and James could not fault him for that.

“Could I impose myself on this outing?” Carolina asked hopefully, and Julia nodded with a smile.

“The more the merrier,” Julia said, before glancing at James and wondering for a moment if he was as disappointed as she was about the prospect of having company. As wonderful as said company was, she had hoped to speak to James in private—or semi privacy at least. Mary had been their chaperone for most of their walks, and she would never share a word of what she overheard.

***

“This was such a good idea,” Carolina said as she took a deep breath of fresh air. They’d left the manor some fifteen minutes earlier and were walking at a leisurely pace along the road that would lead them to a nearby forest. The afternoon sun was warm enough to battle the chilly wind that had been blowing all week and it was absolutely lovely—Julia wasn’t fully experiencing it though.

James and Alexander were walking a little ways ahead of them, laughing and joking with one another. Julia stared at their backs and wondered what her brother had said to make James laugh so generously—James wasn’t this relaxed very often. During the many weeks that he had been with them, she often saw the stress clearly displayed on his frame. The serious face, sometimes a frown, the tense raised shoulders—none of it had escaped her notice. Often it was better when they were on their walks, though she had seen him getting lost in thought a few times. On those occasions, the frown lines in his face had increased. There was something heavy weighing on him, and she wished she could help him carry the load. As it was, she could only hope that her brother could be of some assistance. After all, she was just a girl, and men rarely shared their burdens with the women in their life, especially if they weren’t married to them.

“Yes, Carolina, it certainly was. I’m glad I thought of it,” Carolina said mockingly, and Julia laughed as she was pulled from her thoughts.

“My apologies,” Julia said, and she glanced at Carolina to find the other woman smiling brightly.

“Do you think you could love him?” Carolina asked, looking ahead to the men.

“I think I could,” Julia confessed, and saying it aloud made it feel more real. The fluttering she had felt at the dinner table returned with a vengeance, and she decided that she liked the feeling. 

“Isn’t that the most exciting feeling there is?” Carolina asked, love clear on her face as she looked at Alexander’s back.

“And a little frightening, honestly,” Julia said softly, a slight blush on her cheeks. 

“But it can turn into such beauty, Julia,” Carolina said, and Julia smiled, a little unsure. 

She trusted Carolina with all her heart, but there was so much that she didn’t know about James. And there were things that linked him to her father that caused tension. She wasn’t entirely sure how it was all intertwined, but she knew that it was. Julia never did well with being uninformed, but she knew better than to straight out ask any of the people involved. Perhaps at some point, James would inform her himself—if he felt for her as she felt for him.

‘Have you noticed that he rides one-handed?” Carolina asked a little while later.

“I hadn’t,” Julia said, looking towards the men. They were now nearing the tree line ahead. Suddenly it appeared clear as day that James was only using his right arm. His left arm was loosely crossed over his torso. She wondered why this was. She had seen him favour his right side before, though not quite this much.

“I wonder what that’s about,” Carolina said. Julia knew that her sister-in-law wasn’t half as curious as she was, so it would be up to her to figure this out. Not today though—today she had other subjects to discuss with James if they ever had a moment alone.

***  
Julia squinted at the sunlight reflected in the water before them. They’d spent an hour or so riding and had decided on a well deserved break along the lake in the center of the forest. Alexander had spread out a large blanket and surprised everyone with wine and cake—courtesy of Maudlin.

“When did you arrange this?” Carolina asked, smiling as she took a bite of her cake, before leaning back against her husband’s shoulder. Alexander himself was leaning against a large tree and he looked very pleased with himself.

“When you were all getting changed into your riding frocks, I made some quick inquiries, and as it happened, Maudlin had already baked a cake for tea today,” Alexander said with a smug smile on his face.

“Please tell me she held something back for mother and father,” Julia asked, as she too munched on her cake. She was careful though; she’d always been told that a lady eats neatly and calmly. If she needed to convince James of her qualities as a wife, she would not do so by eating like a pig.

“Naturally, Maudlin would never let me take all of it,” Alexander chuckled.

A short while later James stood up from the blanket and turned to Julia. “Would you care for a stroll by the waters edge?” he asked, and Julia was eager to accept his hand to help her upright.

Standing, Julia took a moment to brush off some imaginary dust from her dress and catch Carolina’s eye. Her sister-in-law nodded her head encouragingly, almost imperceptible, but it was still clear enough for Julia to see and understand. At this moment, she was happy to know the other woman so very well.

“I was hoping to catch you alone today,” James confessed as he threw a small pebble in the water. It skipped three times before it sank.

“Me too,” Julia said, craning her neck to follow his movements as she tried to discover how he made those pebbles skip.

Catching her attempts to follow his hands, James chuckled and handed her a pebble. “Hold the flat part as the underside,” he started, “then take it between your thumb and ring finger, like this.” He demonstrated every move as he said it, really breaking down the action for her. For him it might’ve been simple, but Julia was glad that he didn’t make her feel silly for not knowing.

“Now, pull your arm back, just like that.” James gently directed her arm into position. “And throw.”

Julia did as instructed, and her pebble skipped once before sinking. She happily turned to James, jumping in place with excitement.

“I’ve never been able to do that,” she said, a bright smile on her face.

James couldn’t help but smile in return—she looked utterly adorable in her enthusiasm. And the fact that he had been the person to cause this response made him feel emboldened enough to say the words he’d been wanting to speak. Looking back at their companions, he saw them engrossed in conversation together. They wouldn’t eavesdrop or interrupt them for now.  
He could tell Carolina and Alexander were happy together; their body language spoke to that fact; both relaxed and sitting close together. He hoped to achieve that with Julia one day. 

Now that he had assured himself that they were not within hearing distance, he finally broached the subject that had been heavy on his mind throughout the week, with it coming to a strong climax last night. He’d been fond of her from the get-go, but last night told him that it was more than that. He was falling for the beautiful lady standing next to him.

“Julia, I was wondering if we could talk about a few things.” His mouth ran a little dry and he suddenly forgot how to hold his arms. He’s been searching the ground for more pebbles, pushing the stones aside with his feet, but he knew he should not put this off any longer—who knew how long Alexander would give him? They would soon have to return to the house.

“Anything, James,” Julia assured him, and she felt giddy with anticipation. Would he say what she thought he might? What she hoped he would?

“I’ve really been enjoying my time here,” James started a little shakily. “In particular our walks, and our conversations.”

“I’ve been enjoying those as well,” Julia said, eager to agree with all he had to say. She was excited, nervous, and scared at the same time, which made it harder to stand still—but she knew she had to at least appear calm outwardly.

“When I first arrived, it had been to discuss business with your father, but our walks were a nice change in scenery.” Her responses were calming his nerves a little, but he was still very happy to have thought this conversation through beforehand. He knew what he wanted to say, and he was now more convinced that she would want to hear it. “I appreciated the friendship you offered, your honesty and your curiosity. It was refreshing,”

“And at times slightly unprecedented,” Julia countered, and nearly bit her tongue in response. Why couldn’t she just keep her mouth closed, she wondered. But James laughed, clearly not put off by her words.

“Perhaps to society, but I liked it,” James said, looking her in the eyes, trying to assure her of the honesty in his words. “I don’t know exactly when it changed for me, but I know that I would like to have more than friendship with you.”

“You do?” Julia asked, a little timid, blushing slightly.

“Yes, and I was hoping to ask you if you feel the same,” James asked, wringing his hands nervously as he awaited her answer. He wasn’t even sure when he had grasped them together.

“I would love to move beyond the friendship we’ve built, James,” Julia finally said and James had to control himself—he wanted to pull her into his arms then and there.

“If I were to speak to your father, would that please you?” he asked, just to be absolutely sure.

“It would, most definitely.”


End file.
